Ladies and gents, I am back on The FlyLady bandwagon. Don’t worry, I’m not crazed or judgmental towards unshiny sinks. My sink is currently full on both sides, but so much better than it was yesterday it’s not EVEN funny.

Here’s what I’ve been thinking. In a couple of years, Kevin and I plan on having a baby. It’s not in the near future, but it’s not that distant either. And can anyone remember what you were doing 5 years ago? Five years ago, I was lamenting a non-relationship with a guy who strung (strewed? strang? usheilkd? WHAT?) me along for months. (Hello, roommate and dorm friends — does anyone remember this?) If all goes as planned (and it never does, but whatever) we will have a 2-year-old in 5 years.

TIMEOUT.

Let’s stop and think about that for a minute. In a few years, we’re going to have a baby. (Sorry for all the italics. I get very “Rilla Blythe” when I think about the future and babies and AHH!) That’s insanity. How life changes so quickly. Now I’m married and it feels like I’ve always been married. Nine months down and it feels like forever. In a good way. And while I was thinking about having babies I was looking at my toes. Because toes kind of remind me of babies. They are little and cute. Well, some people’s are. And then I was looking at my tiny toe on my left foot. On the inside part of that toenail, it grows at a perfect right angle, creating a dangerously sharp point (and they don’t even need clipping right now). And because I am all hippy at heart, I’ve already started working on a birth plan (I did this like 2 years ago, it’s changed as I have). Now, I know how to make sure hospital staff doesn’t go against my wishes.

I threaten them with my razor-sharp left pinky-toenail.

Brilliant, right? I know! With feet up in the air like that I should have a clear shot at somebody’s jugular.

Then, I started thinking, which led me to ask this question of you all. Seriously. Who does that? You can’t give prisoners (the hardcore kind) nail clippers. And in a situation like mine, you definitely can’t let them go unclipped. If the need presented itself, I would use this thing as a shiv. No one would see it coming.

I’m going to have to work on that left roundhouse kick though.

Okay, back to the original topic.

That. That is a little frightening. And what I have come to realize is that if I can’t get my housekeeping under control when there are just two of us, there’s no way I’m going to know what to do when there are suddenly 3 and I’m faced with about 1000x the responsibilities that I have right now.

So, in the words of Barney Fife (who I am referencing for the 2nd time this week*), I’m nipping it in the bud.

I’ll keep you updated on my progress. Now, links!

• There’s a giveaway going on at the r house. Beautiful gift with a beautiful story behind it.
• The Bloggies are tonight! Announcing awards every 5 minutes on their Twitter.
• How to nap (thanks, Melissa!)
• Christie offers some fantastic tips on going green.
• WOLF SWEATSHIRT. I’ve always been partial to those. Found in most quality truck stops.
• I didn’t even know The Golden Driller existed (it’s because I don’t go to Tulsa. Unless I’m on my way to Branson. As a rule.), but I’m a fan now.

*The first time was in regard to the “shooting” at Oklahoma City Community College.

Apparently kids today do not know who Barney Fife is. This makes me sad.

Who clips your toenails when you’re in prison?

Now with Nyquil!

Oh. You’re starting to see a trend?

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Happy birthday, Kevin.

Thank you, @LamarOKC.

I know that I should just stop shopping there. I applaud those of you who have been able to. But until I can find myself a local grocery store that I can afford to shop at and still use brand name coupons at, I’m afraid I’m bound to the old ball-and-chain.

Usually it’s the customers that drive me batty. Very rarely has it been an employee. There was the one that made me stop and think about my situation. I don’t think I ever told you about the time that I was approached by a Moonie in the store. I went over to a couple of employees that were standing together and said, “Excuse me, there is a young man proselytizing over there.” The looks on their faces revealed one of two things: either they didn’t know what the word meant or they thought I was talking about prostitution. Anyway.

Yesterday, I had some of my wedding photos sent to my mom’s local Wal-Mart so that she could pick them up on her way home from church. She and my dad are going to be down in Texas this week and she gets to see her best friend for the first time in a while. Her friend was planning on being at my wedding, but was unable to when her son was involved in a serious accident just a week before the wedding. So, naturally, Mom wanted to take some pictures to show her.

I need to preface all of this by saying that I ordered over 400 prints from Wal-Mart just a couple of months ago. The same wedding pictures that I was sending to my mom (only she was getting around 35). They were printed at the Wal-Mart Photo Center and mailed to me at my house. At no time was I asked for a copyright release because when I ordered these photos I agreed that they were my property and that I was not trying to make copies of copyrighted materials.

So when I sent in my order for Mom’s photos early Sunday morning, I had no thought that she would have any trouble at the photo center. First mistake.

Mom called around 12:30 yesterday afternoon. I could tell by the tone in her voice that something wasn’t right.

“This lady says I can’t have your pictures.”

(more…)

• I woke up this morning with my forehead itching. Really, really bad. Then I run my fingers through my hair and ICK. Don’t worry. I don’t have headlice. But it felt like I didn’t wash any of the shampoo out of my hair last night in the shower. Umm…I can’t really remember. That would be weird for me. So first thing this morning I washed my hair. Now I’m sitting here with a towel on my head and a cup of hot chocolate. And no more greasy limp hair.
• Sorry if I grossed you out. It’s pretty nasty.
• Yesterday, my mom had to endure a drama-filled trip to Wal-Mart and a crazy employee who seems to have some issues. I know. I ended up on the phone with this lunatic. This requires a lengthy blog post. That will be up later today.
• Regarding the Olympics: I haven’t met many people that are upset about Johnny Weir (confession: I always spell his name “Weird” first and then have to backspace) not scoring higher, but there are a few. And what I think is the dude needs to decide what his goals are. I’m sure he loves skating, but reality TV and fashion seem to be right up there as well. I really hope that he does retire before the next Olympics. His attitude annoys me.
• Also annoying: Evgeni Plushenko. Dude, I’ve loved you since your halfway naughty performance of one of my favorite songs. But now? Now I don’t feel like I can use that video to rickroll people anymore. I’ve got news for you — what’s going on in your brain does not matter. Reality matters. You start making comments like that and people start questioning how much of a hold you’ve got on the world around you (can’t find the link, but what he said was, “In my brain, I actually won.”). I mean, shoot. When I was 13, in my mind, I was a viable candidate to be the bride of Prince William and go on to be queen. I think we all know what a hit I would have been. Seriously, that sounds like the plot of a bad movie. Oh wait. It was.
• Oh, we have a chance of flurries today? BIG SURPRISE.
• Tomorrow is my husband’s birthday. And it’s his last one in his 20s. Sigh.
• I always thought I’d end up with an older man.
• We’re celebrating at Red Robin during the week and this weekend we’re taking my parents to The Melting Pot. Yum. I love birthday weeks.
• Tonight I will make a beautiful layer cake and display it on this lovely wedding gift from Jolene and her hubby:
  

This has been a very odd week.

Something felt off on Wednesday. I saw someone I didn’t want to see that evening which gave my heart a scary little jumpstart. Then later that night I found that our wedding site had been hacked and the culprit had left their calling card — name and email address. Idiot. This person has been a concern of mine for some time, but I never imagined this. Keeping my eyes peeled and will call the cops if necessary. Sheesh.

Tragedy struck my hometown and someone that my mom is close to. It’s not mine to talk about so I won’t. But I can tell that it’s been difficult for people around there to deal with this. Everyone is in my prayers.

And my tummy has been bothering me again. So much this morning that I’m not going to have my coffee. Maybe later. I probably need to get back on a better eating plan because right now I’m not doing anything. My weight is fine, but I don’t feel good. It’s always been hard to deal with this because people can’t tell that I’m ill when I am. And that kinda makes me feel like a slacker at life. I shouldn’t worry or wonder what people think about, I know. It’s just that all these years dealing with it has conditioned me to do so.

That’s more than I wanted to say. Links…

• The world lost a great poet last week. R.I.P. Ms Lucille Clifton
• A valid Subway cheese gripe — YES! I’ve been saying this all along.
• Guaranteed to send you to the ER : 7 Things Paula Deen Fried — and Ate
• Amy, I like beans, too. And I think I may be making your Black Bean Hummus today because it sounds so good.
• Hello, my name is Elizabeth and am a recovering sugar addict. I know what you’re going through!
• fast and feast, from the French Toast Girl.
• The Coolness Horse

The one where I ramble for 20 minutes. A little LOST, a little lost, truffles, and Nyquil.

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Moments before she devoured the Oklahoma State Capitol.

VOTE HERE!

I put off posting this because, well, I never know what to say about it. And this year I was just floored at the nominations I received. That’s right. Plural. In years past (I’ve lost count now. Two, three?) I was nominated for the Best Writing award, which, to be honest, meant the most to me because it’s my passion. This blog is here for a reason. I’d say less for wanton exhibitionism than for my need to get things out. Kinda like what Miss Kim was talking about yesterday. I’ve been a writer (a title I learned that I could happily claim during one of my writing classes at OU) since I learned how to make the shapes of letters right before kindergarten, but I have always been an imaginer. And there is something about having the ability to imagine all kinds of scenarios that I believe is a mark of destiny. You will create. (Write, draw, paint, sculpt, dance, compose, etc.) I can’t paint, draw, or sculpt. Reading music is like math to me which means I don’t do it at all. Singing and playing the piano by ear came pretty naturally, but I’m only mediocre, if that. I have the thighs of a person who should be an accomplished dancer (meaning SHA-BAM!), but I’ve never done anything outside of lots and lots of hours of ballroom dancing and a little lyrical back in the day.

And so, I write.

This year there is no writing nomination for me and I’m cool with that. There are some people with incredible talent up for the award this year. Who I’ll be voting for, well, that’ll be a secret until it’s all over. In a minute I’ll highlight some of my favorites (and try not to leave anyone out!).

First, I want to tell you what I was nominated for this year.

Best Family Blog – I like the idea that a blog written by the female half of a newlywed couple, who was single up until very recently, is nominated for this award. Because we are a family. We’re building a home together and starting out on what will be a long journey with one another (Lord providing one of us doesn’t die or something). I’m really glad I’m documenting this life-altering change.

Now, maybe people nominated me for this one because I talk about my family. A lot. I do, I know! But I love ‘em!

…or maybe it’s because I’m really really really SFW (that’s “safe for work,” Heather ). You may think that, but I’ve got a few cousins that are more conservative than me *gasp* and they’d tell you otherwise.

Most Humorous Blog – Ha. Haha. Really? Sometimes I try. I think of a lot of funny things throughout the day and forget to write them down and then forget them entirely. This blog would be so much better if someone would give me a pocket notepad or something. Maybe I should go buy myself a tiny Moleskine.

In an effort to funny this thing up, I promise to model every prom dress and bridesmaid dress I own if I win any of these awards. Like, full runway, people. You want that? Then vote. I might even sweeten the deal and wear a prom dress to a blogger meet-up. Have you seen how good you get treated when you show up some place in formal wear? Well, I guess it’s sort of a toss-up. You’re either out for some special event or downright crazy. You never know what folks are going to assume. I’ve went through most of my childhood pretending everything was a special event and that I was the guest of honor and some may say that is crazy. I blog, you decide!

Best Political Blog (Conservative) - I don’t know about best, but conservative? Mmhmm. One thing that has become a pastime of mine is finding people who would otherwise like me, but when they find out my political affiliation they automatically assume that I’m ignorant and backwards. How tolerant of them!

Best Veteran Blogger (5+Years) - It’s true. I’ve been doing this for a really long time. If you want to get technical, I have had some kind of journal presence online since 1999. Almost my entire high school and college experience has been documented. Sometime I’ll go back and post my angsty, 15-year-old ramblings.

And (wow)…

Best Overall Blog - In the words of my husband, “That’s like ‘Best Picture’, right?” I told him it was, but then explained that I’m like your random independent documentary with conservative overtones that gets nominated up against sweeping epics with lots of dinner parties featuring spectacular shots of food (The Pioneer Woman) and period drama starring Daniel Day-Lewis, dressed the way men always should be–in top hat and tails (The Art of Manliness). I don’t hold out a lot of hope for this award, but I am humbled that enough of you would nominate me for it to land me on the ballot.

These awards make me question what keeps me blogging every year. Not in a “why don’t I just quit this” kind of way. But, I mean, it makes me realize why I do. I was blogging about Oklahoma long before I’d met anyone else who was. These awards have provided a wonderful way for us to get connected with other blogs we may have never heard about otherwise. I look forward to them each year with the hope that I’ll find another gem that pulls me in to read everyday.

Thank you all so much for nominating. I have been so blessed and encouraged by your sweet compliments and hope that you find the same blessing and encouragement here from time to time (when I’m not getting snarky [The Newest Innovation in Stool Softeners] or documenting a desperate addiction to tacos [When we get behind closed doors...])

The deadline to vote is MIDNIGHT this Sunday, February 14. Oklahoma bloggers, take a minute to show some love and cast a vote for your favorites!

Later, I will be posting a tribute to my favorite nominees. Stay tuned!