What did you do today to make the world a better place?

Me? I taught three 2-year-olds to say “Gobble-gobble” à la Frank Caliendo.

These are silly. But good blog fodder.

At age 43 you will die from a lethal overdose of methamphetamines.

Cause that’s how we roll in the E.C. (Elmore City, if you aren’t familiar. It’s okay and probably better if you aren’t.)

At age 56 you will be attacked by a pack of escaped lap dogs in your neighborhood and never be seen again.

This happens on a regular basis. I am legitimately afraid.

At age 69 you will be trampled by a mob of rabid people at the opening of X-Men 17.

One question: WAS HUGH JACKMAN THE LAST THING I SAW?!

At age 61 you will start playing an online game and become so addicted that you starve to death.

Heather would not be surprised.

How will you die?

1. Make chocolate pudding.
2. Top with generous amounts of Cool Whip Lite.
3. Midol. Midol. MIDOL.
4. IcyHot. Newly discovered miracle.
5. Lie on couch.
6. Watch TV. Preferably Lifetime Movie Network or something else mindless like that. Today I watched four delightfully predictable dramas featuring at least one woman in mortal danger. Cramps, mortal danger…same thing.
7. Get more pudding.
8. Make tea. Mountain Rose Herbs has a great selection. At night I like their Dream Blend. They also make a Moon Ease and Women’s Freedom tea for times just like this. (On a side note, I also drink their Happy Tummy tea whenever my digestive system isn’t being agreeable. So pretty much all the time.)
9. Change channel. No doubt LMN will be getting old now. Try any of the primetime crime shows. My personal favorites are Law & Order: SVU and Criminal Intent.
10. Reapply IcyHot. Go to bed.

BLEH.

This has been written for a while, but I’m just getting around to posting it now. I’ve never had an “about me” section up on this site. I do now! Click on the link to your right that says “More about me…”

Things were pretty crazy with school last week and this week has been really stressful, since my pretty little pup decided after almost two years of living here that she was going to start climbing the fence and running away. If anyone knows of ways to deter a Border Collie from doing this (outside of an electric fence, which is being installed today), please share.

Well…that was a lie. But I promise that tomorrow there is going to be an extra super Thursday Thirteen. You will not regret tuning in for my opinion on some very timely subject matter. I’m going to be up all night doing research, just so I can get this right for you folks.

While you wait, please enjoy the following. It is my fellow (ohgoodgrief) Oklahoman, Mike Gundy, going on a tirade against a girl who thinks she’s a sports writer nice young lady (Jenni Carlson) who works for The Oklahoman. (Crossed out because I might apply for a job there someday.)

MikeGundyIsMadAtYou.com

Please excuse my absence. Last Thursday, my Mac decided to destroy its hard drive (at less than one month old). Just got him back today and he’s feeling much better.

So many different things lead people to this blog. Whether it’s the various links from other bloggers, Thursday Thirteen, or deciding who you’re going to vote for in the 2007 Okie Blog Awards (nominated for Best Writing Blog!), I’m glad that each of you stop by. But by far, the most interesting thing about having this blog is seeing what keyword searches lead people here. Let me tell you, I get some doozies.

university of oklahoma panties — Okay, this one is pretty easy to explain. For the 2004 OU/texas game, Heather and I made festive panties. They’ve been a hit here on the internet.

do not date them — This could mean a lot of things, but if you need the names of these guys I can definitely supply you with a list of downright scoundrels.

ou scarlet pimpernel — Yes! The Scarlet Pimpernel is going to be at the University of Oklahoma next month and I am terribly excited. I will be there and you should be, too. “Don’t be afraid, it’s only love!”

Of course, I saved the best (weirdest) for (nearly) last.

“bad cough body aches slight fever slept with cat what do i have?“

You poor, poor dear. I have no idea what you’ve got (nor how your search led you here, because I have never slept with a cat. I hope to do that someday, but since my dad is still my landlord, there will be no cats in this house for a long, long time.), but I’d suggest that you get yourself to a doctor.

The latest search to bring someone here was “shanice i cant imagine music codes.” While I don’t have any music codes around here and I’m not familiar with that song, there was one song of Shanice’s that I LOVED back in 1995. Oh yes my friends.

And while we’re at it, here’s the deleted scene that featured the song (with a singing Mel Gibson!) from Disney’s Pocahontas.

But since it’s only been twice, there’s really nothing to complain about. You should be glad that we’re not in 3rd grade and this isn’t the Halloween carnival princess nomination. If it were, I’d be coming over to sit across from you in the cafeteria, wearing sea green stirrup pants, enjoying my post-lasagna ice cream cone, saying, “So, whose name are you going to write down on the ballot after story today?” Only I wouldn’t say “ballot” because most kids in my 3rd grade class had no idea what a ballot was. I did. I was a politically aware 8-year-old (and now look at me). But that’s a story for another time.

Without further ado…

Only one day left to get your nominations in for the 2007 Okie Blog Awards. Hurry on over there and nominate your socks off! Nomination or not, I’m probably going to head up to The Part of the State I Don’t Like So Much (except for their Quick Trips. I love QT) for the Okie Blogger Round-Up with The Boyfriend. A cash donation might even persuade me to wear stirrup pants, if anyone is interested.