There’s nothing I love more than a warm bagel with soft inner core and a slightly toasted crust, with a healthy serving of cream cheese. Last year I started baking more and one of the first things on my list to try was this doughy little delight. I thought it would certainly be a tricky project, but as it turned out, the process was pretty simple and one that I caught on to quickly.

I will say, like with most things for me, my first try was much better than my second (what these photos feature). Just luck, I guess. Also, the first time I made these I skipped a step (we’ll get to that) and the bagels turned out better.

And before anyone asks — no, this is not some family recipe. You have to go back 80 generations before you find our Jewish ancestors and I can promise that no one in the Johnson family has made their name baking bagels. The recipe I use belongs to John D. Lee and I’m so impressed that it will take a mighty good sounding one for me to try another.

First you’re going to knead that dough. Have I told you how much I love my dough hook? It’s changed my life. Really.

I have the smallest kitchen imaginable. Okay, wait. My great-grandma Lily’s kitchen felt smaller because it was so narrow, but I do promise that I have no more than one square foot of clear counter space. That fact makes me cry sometimes.

First world problems.

Then you’re going to separate that dough into balls and let it rest for 10-20 minutes. Here’s the deal (that’s my saying, if you haven’t noticed) — this is the step that I skipped the first time and my bagels turned out a lot better. Do what you will with that fact.

In the meantime, boil some water. Oh, and make sure your oven is preheating to 425.

Then you’re going to roll the dough into little snakes and join the ends to make our circles. Let them rest again for another 20 minutes while your water is boiling.

Dump those suckers in! Boil one minute on each side then remove and place on an oiled baking sheet (make sure they are dry before putting them on the baking sheet).

I like to make sure that they are all lightly-coated with oil before placing the baking sheet in the oven.

Bake 10 minutes, turn them over, and bake another 10. Tada! You’ve made bagels. Easy as can be and so much tastier than anything you’ll buy at the grocery store. Work at it long enough and I’m sure you’ll be craving these over your local bakery. Enjoy!

This is dedicated to Becca, who has waited patiently for goodness knows how long to hear about how I made these things. And of course I post it right after she goes gluten-free. Stay strong, my friend, and let me know how these things taste gluten-free.

If you leave the OKC metro area and head south on I-35, after about an hour you’ll be in the middle of the Arbuckle Mountains. Down there just south of Highway 7 running through Davis, is a little place surrounded by vehicles. At least, I haven’t figured out a time to visit that it’s not surrounded. Officially known as Smokin’ Joe’s Rib Ranch & RV Park, but more affectionately referred to by its many patrons as Smokin’ Joe’s or just plain “Joe’s.”

I’ve never been much of a barbeque person. That’s got to be a surprise to some people, given my upbringing. It’s not the barbeque itself that I don’t like, it’s the nasty sauce that often accompanies it. It takes a very special barbeque sauce for me to put it on what I’m eating. Nothing too sweet, nothing to vinegary. Joe’s has some that I really like even if it isn’t my favorite.

But it’s not the sauce that’s so special — it’s their food. Joe’s is the first local place that I’ve really liked. And I like it. A lot. You won’t go wrong with their chopped brisket (though you might want to skip it if little puddles of orange grease frighten you), the ribs, or the sliced brisket. I’ve seen someone order the smoked bologna, but if you know my history with that then you know I won’t be having it any time soon. My dad enjoys the smoked chicken (which I’m thinking of trying this weekend) and he and my mom usually split one of the 2- or 3-meat dinners. You’re still going to bring home 1-2 lbs of food, so be prepared. The portions are huge.

Don’t go during peak hours unless you’re willing to wait and battle a crowd. Twelve to 2 and 5 to 7 you’re looking at a decent little wait and the possibility that there’s no place to sit. Go on a nice day when you might not mind sitting on their front porch or in the bed of your pickup.

(Did I really just suggest that?)

There’s another thing you need to be prepared for — the table stake out. My mom sure enough doesn’t want to sit outside in the heat when we visit Joe’s, so as soon as we order, we start watching. It’s all in the body language. And the amount of visible plate. You can tell when someone’s close to being done. And the minute they start to move it’s VITAL that you get close to that table.

Laughing, talking, having a big time? Nope. Staking out a table.

Then you have to be ready to be neighborly. In a place like this you can’t sit down with a group of four at a table that seats six and expect no one to join you. On this particular visit we were joined by a couple (the gentleman half of the couple is the man at the end of the table in the above photo) that used to go to church with my aunt and uncle 30 minutes away from our hometown. While this restaurant is 30 minutes in the other direction. Of course, didn’t know who they were until we got out to the truck and finally asked my mom. Because that’s how I roll.

Smokin’ Joe’s — bringing folks together.

And, hey, Ree? I know your farm is in southern Oklahoma and you’ve mentioned the county a time or two. So, by my calculation, this lovely little spot could be right on your way…or a small detour out of your way. I’m thinking since Marlboro Man is a guy and he’s from Oklahoma, this could be right up his alley. Once you’ve eaten just hop back on 7, head on over to 81, and you should be back on track in no time. And you can call me Tom-Tom.

So, the next time you’re down in Davis, tell them I sent you. And then they’ll give you a funny look because the good people of Joe’s have no idea who I am.

I went to Freddy’s this afternoon and ate a ton of food that I am not supposed to have. Ah well. Living a little before the school year gets started.

Kevin chose moderation and had a hamburger and fries.

I…did not. I had a hamburger and fries and a chili dog. *hides face in shame*

But I have no regrets. Tomorrow is a new day, fresh with no hotdogs…err…mistakes in it.

There are a few things you need to be prepared for whenever you head out to pick blackberries. And since now is the time to be plucking those delicious dark fruits, I thought I’d share a few tips with you.

1. Silly hats, long sleeves, and long pants are a requirement. Chiggers, yellow jackets, spiders, little wormy bugs, and just about every critter you’d like to stay away from loves blackberries. And it’s gonna get hot out there so protect your head, face, and neck with a floppy hat. Or in my case a hat that is one size too small and makes me look like I belong to a back-to-basics religious community.

I have a big head.

No, not in a conceited way. In a “no-hat-ever-fits-my-head” way.

2. While you’re at it, spray yourself down with some OFF!

3. Wear decent shoes. You’re likely going to have gravel roads and definitely some briars and brambles to make your way through.

4. Make sure you have a good container to hold your berries. We like to use Rubbermaid containers that we fill with water as soon as we get back home. It’s good to rinse out all the sticks, leaves, ants, and little worms that might have made their way into your spoils.

5. Don’t forget to stop and enjoy the view. Blackberries are often found off the beaten path and this time of year there are tons of wildflowers blooming in Oklahoma. Be sure to take a moment to treasure the beauty that’s around you.

I find a lot of beauty in old barns. Blame it on my roots, I don’t mind.

6. Remember — all this sweet goodness comes at a price. You’re gonna get scraped, scratched, poked, and pierced. You may even be picking out the stickers days later (I was and always am).

(after a while, it’s hard to tell where the blackberry juice ends and the blood begins — yuck.)

But in the end, it’s worth it.

About the cheese.

I thought about submitting this for Ree’s “happiness” photo assignment, but I’m not sure that canned cheese in the middle of Sam’s Club is exactly what she’s looking for.

(Photo courtesy of Heather; circa 2004)

But I totally am not. I haven’t done a Thursday Thirteen in a really long time and I thought today was as good as any day to start again. And because you can’t really know me until you know what I like to eat. But if you are what you eat then what I am is cheap, greasy, and commonly found in truck stops and I’m having a really tough time coping with that.

I will admit that I had to turn to my college roommate, Heather, for some reminders about what I used to consume in the dorm. There’s truth to that whole thing about you diving into your comfort foods when you’re away from home. My first few years of college I don’t think I ate anything that didn’t have cheese on it. And I only consume white condiments, so…yeah. It wasn’t pretty.

Here we go!

1. Mashed potatoes topped with ranch dressing – Okay, this was a legitimate mistake the first time I did it. I think I assumed that because ranch dressing is white and peppery it was similar to country gravy. Wrong. BUT, this discovery should rank right up there with, you know, the “discovery” of “new worlds” that people had been living in for centuries.
2. Jalapeno Vienna Sausages – There’s no excuse. The jalapeno is impossible to find now. I haven’t had them since elementary school. I don’t know if they stopped making them ha! They didn’t. Found them on Amazon. Score!

   

3. Cream cheese – On anything. Like, umm…a spoon. Yeah, I really like cream cheese on a spoon. But I’ll take it on my cake. I’ll scoop it with a rake. I know it comes from a cow, but I’m not really sure how. It doesn’t matter to me, as long as you let me be. I really like cream cheese. Pass some, would you please?I’m not sure what just happened. I am, however, very ashamed of it.
4. Jalapeno Kettle Cooked Chips - I think this is how Heather and I bonded the first few weeks of college. There’s no telling how many bags of these things we ate. What I do remember is that very early on in our stay at Adams Tower, we spent an evening sharing a bag of these things and watching Son-In-Law. I knew I was going to be okay.
5. Fake cheese – You know what I’m talking about. That stuff in a can. And I’m not going to lie, the only reason I’ve gone to any sporting event ever in my life was for the nachos or hot dogs topped with this stuff.
6. Jack-in-the-Box Tacos – This is a new love of mine and I only first tried them last night. Bad in every way imaginable. First, they are processed (they arrive at the restaurant frozen with the meat already in the shell), then they are deep fried, and lastly they throw on a little cheese and lettuce. Be warned, I hear they can be pretty rough on the digestive system, but I turned out just fine! Ate them in the middle of a tornado outbreak and everything. (H/T to Jack of The Lost Podcast with Jay & Jack for mentioning how much he likes those things. I doubt I would have heard of them otherwise.)
7. Deviled Ham – This list may start revolving around processed mechanically separated chicken parts if I don’t watch it. Okay, so when I was a little kid I thought this stuff was fancy. We were at a church party and someone had made sandwiches with this stuff in the middle and they were cut into cute little shapes. I know this stuff has got to be what they sent back from the dog food factory, but I don’t care. It’s salty and fattening and I love it.
8. Little Debbie Oatmeal Cream Pies – You could write songs about the things I would do for an Oatmeal Cream Pie. Again, we’re going back to childhood here. I can remember coming in after a long afternoon at my aunt’s pool in the summertime and grabbing one of these from the cabinet, sitting myself down in front of the TV, and enjoying mid-90s Nickelodeon cartoons. Mmm.
9. North Carolina Slaw Dogs – Okay, let me say that I have only had the pleasure of eating these things once in my life. I ordered it “all the way” (the way everyone else did) and while the slaw on top was a visual turn-off for me (despite being from Oklahoma, I have never, until recently, been a slaw-eater) I was pleasantly surprised at the depth of flavors in one of these hot dogs. Forgive me if I get the ingredients wrong (I’ve searched high and low online for a comprehensive list), but on mine I had a very red hot dog, chili, mustard, a dill pickle, and slaw. Maybe my husband can correct me later if I’m wrong. I’m sure it’s not good for you, but it’s so downright tasty I can’t resist. We’ll be visiting North Carolina again this summer and I can’t wait to get my hands on another one in Clinton.
10. McDonald’s Cheeseburger – It’s sort of a given and you may lose all respect for me — I don’t care. This is actually one of my favorite things to grab when I’m on the road. When I was little I would ask anyone who was eating with us if I could have the slices of pickle off of their own. In fact, I distinctly remember telling my mom that I was going to ask the people at the next table over if I could have theirs. She stopped me
11. Mayonaisse – Not really a food, just a condiment, but on here because 1) it’s totally bad, 2) if a person puts “lite” mayo on my sandwich it is going to have to be remade. Full fat is the only way I go with this stuff. And it’s low-carb!
12. You can guess this one. I went away to college and started consuming something that makes 18-year-olds the world over gain 15-25 lbs during their first year of school. You know it. Starts with a “b”… yup, the Burger King Chicken Caesar Club.

    

    No kidding, from about September of 2003 to May of 2004, I consumed one of these just about every other day. And honest — I didn’t gain a POUND that year. Don’t ask me how. Oh wait. Maybe it was hauling my tail end from Dale Hall to Sarkey’s in 10 minutes a few times each week. Yowza.

13. Quick Trip Egg Rolls – The first time I had one of these, okay, well, the only time was on a trip to Branson with Heather. We have a particular QT that we stop at on the east side of Tulsa and on this excursion we each grabbed a couple of these babies. We headed to the car and went on our merry way. Then I smelled something. I was this close to asking Heather if she had “uh-oh’d” (this is the only word we were ever allowed to use in my house; use your imagination) when I realized…it was the egg roll. I had already taken a bite and it was delicious! How could something so yummy smell like…doo-doo?

There you have it. There’s probably more, too, I just can’t think of them at the moment. Like I’ve said, it’s in my genes.

I’d like to go ahead and dedicate this song to all the carbs out there. I know you’ll be back.

It’s just a matter of time. But right now…right now, fellas, we’re breakin’ up. Giving up my bready ways and starting over without you. Over the past few years I have learned what I can tolerate and what I can’t. I’ve learned that, for the most part, you’re just plain bad for me and that I’ll continue to be jealous of those that can enjoy you on a regular basis. To all of you folks who can enjoy a biscuit or a baked potato without hacking and coughing and intense abdominal cramps, well…

So, be prepared to endure recipes where I essentially do nothing but heat heavy cream, stir in a little dark cocoa, add a dose of Nyquil, and try to forget my carb-free sorrows. It’s a little like those Edwardless months of New Moon, only I describe every last second of my lamentations.

I don’t make a habit of keeping secrets from my husband. Or doing things behind his back. Honesty and communication are two huge parts of a working marriage. Everyone’s got a squeaky wheel from time to time, but I really think that if you are communicating and being truthful with one another you can work through almost anything.

There is one thing though that my husband just plain does not approve of. I’ve known it from the start. I kept away from it the entire time we were dating and engaged. Well, wait. I might have had one slip, but that’s all. I promise. My respect for his opinion is much higher than my need want for this. All through college this was a major player in my life. I partook…a lot. He did, too, in his early days, but…

When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. – 1 Corinthians 13:11

And for the most part, once we got married and were in such close quarters (with him living in what had been my domain and mine alone), I thought I would give it up too.

Then there was Friday. He had some things to do after school. A student was testing and then he wanted to get some things arranged in his room.

I’ve got time.

Hours, maybe. As I drove home, I developed a plan. He would be out of the house for a while. I could get by with it. I knew I could. Even though I knew that later that night I would be admitting it to Kevin. The smell would stay on me. And the smell is unmistakable.

I pulled into the parking lot, ran inside, and emerged with my spoils. I wondered how my clandestine activities might have appeared to anyone watching, but once I was home, what other people thought was the last thing on my mind.

I dug into the paperbag. Here I was. Home. In private. No one could see me. And in my hand was the thing I had been missing for so long.

I thought about my husband. He has his reasons for wanting to stay away from it. It was in abundance in college. Literally at our fingertips wherever we went at OU. Always available. A little on the trashy side, maybe. Poor quality, there’s no doubt. But there is something about it that reminds me of high school. Of being behind the bleachers during a football game. The taste…

Mmm.

I know it’s not respectable. I’m not sure what it says about me that in a moment of weakness this is what I turn to. I thought I had broken the habit.

You know what my addiction is, don’t you?

.

.

.

Friday night, for the first time in years, I enjoyed the cheap, canned cheese taste of a Classic Nacho and a greasy Crunchy Taco (and later, a refrigerated one, as I was taught) from Taco Mayo.

EDIT: Apparently, searching for the terms “closet taco” will land you here now. Mission accomplished.

*Thought about this after posting. There is a big football game in a week. I’m talking about poultry, birds, flying things. Ya know. In case there was any confusion.

If this lady can do one thing, it’s roast a chicken. A few years ago I decided to try out a recipe from Real Simple on Aaryn, on one of our Gilmore Girls nights. The recipe was for a roasted bird with lemon, honey, and olives (never mind that the skin was a little burned) and I was sold. It was easy (as long as you thawed the thing through before throwing it in…noted) and so downright tasty. The ease of a quick prep job beforehand and throwing it in the oven without much more of a thought is something I can really get behind.

Not long after that, I was in our local supermarket when they announced a markdown on their rotisserie chickens. The yummy birds were marked down from what was usually between $7 and $14 (depending on size) to $1.50. I had been in the store to get some chicken and other ingredients for soup anyway, so the markdown on the chicken in the deli was just one less step for me once I got home. And so I began my delicious foray into the world of chicken soup and all its variations.

However, chicken is chicken and it can get old. My husband likes to find something he enjoys and stick with it, so I don’t want to mess with things too much, but I would really like to try some new chicken recipes. Preferably things that focus on the bird itself and not casseroles, etc.

What is your favorite roasted chicken recipe? Do you like to stuff it with something? Have a rub that makes it magical? Is there something you anoint yours with halfway through that sends it over the edge? Do tell!

It was a long weekend. And not the good kind either. Today was a long, crazy day and I’m hoping the rest of the week shapes up pretty quickly because I’m in no mood to deal with stragglers. Plus, I have a trip to Virginia Beach to look forward to, Lord willing. It is looking like we may get some nasty ice around here. Nothing like me and Kevin deciding to visit family back east to put mother nature in the mood for a good freeze. Thanks a lot, lady.

On with the show…

• Allow me to complain for a moment without giving you all the satisfaction of a related link. Ahem. Why can’t I escape The Besters? And The Worsters? And the “How Did You Pay For That?!”…-ers? It seems that whatever place I am in life there is always someone around me like this. Have something wonderful happen? Don’t worry, something better happened to them. Once. It doesn’t matter when or if it’s relevent, it happened. Tragedy strike? Don’t look to them for sympathy. They lost their mom and their best dog on the same day. And heaven forbid you show them vacation photos. Sheesh. “Well, I don’t ever have the time to go somewhere that far away.” or “Who did you get to help pay for that?” or maybe they’ll tell you about that one vacation 10 years ago that was easily triple the price of whatever you did.*tap*

  *taptaptap*

  Anyone listening? You ready?

  Get some self-esteem. It is a sad, sad situation if you have to belittle others at every turn to make yourself feel better. I’m sorry for whatever happened in your past to make you behave in such a way now. But you need to grow up and stop.

  Good grief.

• Oh, hi
• Coffee makes you dance around like a goat! (educational AND fun!)
• The Spohrs have their beautiful Annie. Blessings on you all.
• smitten kitchen has this divine sounding Mixed Citrus Salad w/ Feta & Mint. Yum.
• As you may know, about 6 months ago I stumbled upon the blog of my cousin, Misti. Through her I’ve learned of my cousin, her brother, Curtis, his wife Stephanie, and their little girl, Zoe. Not long ago Curtis announced that they were expecting on his blog. Last week, the baby was delivered at 26 weeks. This little girl and her family have all been in my prayers and I hope they’ll be in yours, too. Welcome to the world, Miss Ashleigh.
• Food Network Humor is my new favorite blog. Oh my. And this — Amazon Product Recommendations: Ina Garten Edition

Have a great week, y’all!