I went to Hastings this evening to buy my copy of Going Rogue (coworkers gave me a giftcard there for my birthday & did you know that the book sold 300,000 copies on its first day?) and first thing, just as soon as I walked through the door, a youngish employee walked up to me carrying a sign advertising happy hour at their cafe, kinda dancing around with it. That was weird enough. Then she said, “I think I’ll just let Sarah Palin’s book table (at the front of the store, where I was walking) prop up my sign. It’s not good for anything else, right? Haha.” I smiled politely, picked up my copy (one of the dozen or so left on the long table) and walked on.

What do you do in a situation like that? Say, “I’m going to overlook your ignorance and go ahead and make my purchase here, rather than at a more professional establishment.” What in the WORLD? It may not be the first rule, but somewhere near the top is, “Do not make disparaging comments about your product.”

Honey, you are working in a retail store. You sell books, DVDs, CDs, and the occasional cup of coffee. Keyword here? SELL. You SELL. You sell your personality as a retail salesclerk and every product in the establishment. If you have a problem with something you are selling or feel SO STRONGLY about it that you cannot keep your mouth shut around a customer who just walked in the door (I was literally 5 steps inside the store), you need to find yourself a different job.

Don’t get me wrong. I appreciate an employee being knowledgeable about a product. I love when I can ask a bookseller a question and get a good answer. It is so rare to find that anymore. So, yes, your opinion does matter…when your customer asks for it. Even then you should use some tact.

And I’m not just saying this because it’s Palin. I understand that there are a lot of people who don’t like her. This is “I Work in Retail 101″ and a notice to the Hastings in Norman, Oklahoma that you have a rogue employee you might want to get under control. You have a right to your political opinion and a right to share it. But not to customers in your place of business.

I know. You’ve been longing for one of these. Here goes.

• First off, question. Does anyone have a good pizza dough recipe to share? I’m trying to find one that my husband will like. I’ve been using plain old Pillsbury and I’ll be honest: it’s not the best. His issue is with the texture. Mine is with the sweetness. I want something that will provide a thin crust, crispy all over. Nothing doughy.
• Batman. Vanishing.
• This is one of my pet peeves as well. I sometimes wish that people who ask these kinds of questions could understand what it’s like to suffer from chronic health issues that don’t always manifest themselves in a way that is visible to the general public. I mean, I could make that happen, but seriously you do not want that. For the record, I would love to be able to participate in things every time a person asks me to. The issues I have suffered from are one of the reasons that I rarely, if ever, volunteer my time or spread myself too thin with obligations. You get really tired of disappointing people after a while.
• The aforementioned is another reason that I hate it when people flake out on plans with no reason.
• Great post from The Happy Housewife on surviving a deployment when you have small children. I have a few friends in this boat and I thought they might find the article helpful.
• While you’re over at The Happy Housewife, take a look at her recipe for Salmon Turnovers. I can’t wait to try these!
• This week I missed meeting The Pioneer Woman at her book signing in Oklahoma City. *cry* But watching this video made me feel a little bit better.
• A little shoutout to Miss Melissa and all the other NaBloPoMo participants joining in this year! I think this is my second year? Can’t remember. I’ll check my archives. Maybe I should have done that before writing this bullet point and floundering around like an imbecile. But that’s why you love me, right?

Well, well! Today I’m holding my first and completely unexpected giveaway. And it’s great. Some of my favorite childhood memories were made inside the hallowed halls of the Omniplex (in my heart it shall remain The Omniplex). That great earthquake simulator, the mirror maze, and the plastic tunnel maze thing that make me realize that I was claustrophobic. Gah.

So here’s the deal. I’m giving away a September 2009-August 2010 Science Museum Oklahoma calendar. It’s full of fun science facts, Oklahoma events for children and families, monthly science projects, and all kinds of cool stuff. All you have to do to enter to win is:

1. If you’re an Okie, please comment with an Omniplex memory.
2. If you’re not, leave a comment about your local science or children’s museum.
3. For a bonus entry, tweet about the giveaway and comment with a link to your tweet. (One tweet per day)

I’ll be closing the contest on Sunday, November 1 at 12:00AM CST so I can get this thing out to you and so you don’t lose any more time out of the calendar than you have to. I don’t know why we just got these things today.

Winner will be chosen using Random.org and your comment number(s).

I received this calendar for free and am receiving no reimbursement.

This photo was taken in March, but it doesn’t matter. From some point in late October/early November up until the first buds peek out of their bark covered cocoons most of Oklahoma looks the same. I love it here, but that’s one thing I will not hestitate to be honest about. Our seasonal changes are brisk and brutal. Blink and you will miss the changing of the leaves in autumn and the resurrection of the plantlife come springtime.

Right this minute, the trees in our yard are going from a deep grassy green to yellow and onto red. And then some turned yellow all in one day and the next the tree was bare as could be. Ah well. I’ll enjoy my autumn while it lasts.

I have a lot of younger cousins. Like, 50 a lot. Of course, that’s combining a few sides of the family and including some second cousins in there (some of whom are closer to me than any of my first cousins ever were), but still. We have a huge family and here in about 65 days, my family is going to get even bigger. All the plans are in motion and stuff is really, finally, happening (the invitations will be in the mail by the beginning of next week!). Things are happening so quickly that I can barely spare the time to recount them here for you all. But all the time, my mind is racing and I am thinking about what the future is going to bring to me.

Now, taking into consideration the type of person I am (sentimental, gooey, and painfully nostalgic), June 6 is going to be a very special day. Shoot, even if I was an ice queen I’m sure my wedding day would be special. And it is, for many different reasons. But there’s one I doubt many people think about that comes in somewhere around second to my Super Ginormous Biggest Thing I’ve Ever Done (pledge my love and fidelity to someone for the rest of my days). Any guesses?

This is the biggest family reunion I’ll ever have! And my lands, do I love family reunions! I seriously tried to do this reception potluck (I’d seen it in a few bridal magazines as a trend that is catching on, especially in the south where people never turn down the chance to show up at something that requires a covered dish for admission), but I had a family member tell me it was tacky and I dropped it. You know that for good ol’ Oklahoma folk, “tacky” is code for “don’t you even think about doing that.” Seriously. I’m fairly certain that had I served this idea up in front of my dad, you all would be dining on potato casserole (topped with corn flakes), green been casserole (French’s Fried Onions!), and that marshmallow-pink-Jell-O-Cool Whip bowl of NASTY instead of croissants stuffed with soldfhsoijsldfk and meatballs sautéed in a psdieedksdy reduction sauce.

Yeah, I know. I like casseroles better myself.

Kevin’s family is flying in. Friends that I haven’t seen in years are going to be there. A few are even flying in from out of state for this. Driving miles and miles to get here. And then some are just driving down the road. If you see a cloud of dust rolling toward Duncan that evening, you know where they’re headed.

And wherever you fall in those categories, or even if you belong in one that I didn’t mention, know that after you’ve finished the last of your cake and thrown handfuls of birdseed at us—if it weren’t already the most important day of my life so far, it’d be nearly just that good. Because I get to share it all with you.

Or any craft show, really. These are just a few observations I made while fighting may way through the crowds of mostly 40+ women who flock to this biannual event at Oklahoma City’s State Fair Park (back in the fall). And get excited! It’s happening again this weekend! Head out to the fair grounds on February 6, 7, and 8 for this fantastic display of things rich women with nothing better to do bought at Market and marked up by 300% crafty talent. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy AAotH, but gracious me–every crazy, countrified craft you can think of ends up in this place. And then the most annoying of all are the booths that look the same–the ones where you can tell they all went to Market on the same weekend and came home with all the same goods (ridiculous shirts that have a shot of Paris in the background with the word “Chocolat” emblazoned across the bosom in faux rhinestones…give me a break). But here you go vendors! A consumer’s (tongue-in-cheek) list of ways to succeed at An Affair of the Heart.

1. Food. You’ll block an entire aisle’s worth of booths if you offer a free sample of any edible item. Shoot, it doesn’t even have to be edible. You could probably stir some hot tar in with a little cream cheese and dill, slap a label on it (“Black Gold Bean Dip” would be a winner with this crowd), set out some tortilla chips and wait.

2. OU/OSU. Tote bags are usually the best way to go with this, though I can see a lot of potential in throw pillows made out of trash bags (white with the red ties for OU, black with the orange ties for OSU). Why has no one tried this?!

3. Pet apparel. If you can personalize this stuff–even better. And collars with charms to spell out names are especially great. They can double as bracelets or you could even use them to jazz up your child’s leash once they are big enough to walk and no longer ride in the stroller you are using as a shopping cart to block the way of the 100 people walking behind you. Sorry. Lost my train of thought… Arrange your booth in such a way that everyone has to file through in a line and once they’re inside there’s no turning back. They are forced to look at every item because of that one Tri Delt with her mom who can’t decide if Abigail Persephone, her Min Pin, would prefer purple or pink. Get with the program honey, you’re a Tri Delt. Cerulean blue.

4. Things painted on saws. I cannot see the appeal and there is very little I can comment on here. Sorry. Yeah, I know, this is a blog and I’m supposed to write things to entertain you. I’ll leave you with a picture in case you haven’t seen one of these things…

5. Faith, Hope, Love OR Live, Laugh, Love OR Sing like no one’s listening…yada yada. SIGNAGE. My hatred for this stuff is something that I am incapable of expressing. If I were to try to verbalize it, it would be some guttural death growl. And that Mark Twain quote? I challenge you to find more than a dozen booths that DON’T feature it in some way. I will give you cookies if you do. Here’s a thought on this one–go against the grain. Don’t use the most tuckered out quote that half the females on the internet put in their “favorite quotes” section on whatever social network they’re using, thinking they are original and livelaughloving life like no one’s done before. Or go ahead and do it and make money. Wow, this makes me seem angsty. Other signs that are ridiculous and garner close to the same amount of hatred: Paris, Chocolat, It’s All About Me, If Mama Ain’t Happy Ain’t Nobody Happy…I can’t go on.

6. Crosses. You can’t go wrong. Especially not in Oklahoma. I’m not sure that I ever had a conversation with a person who didn’t at least claim to be a Christian until I came to OU. Popular materials to construct crosses with: fence posts, barbed wire, sheet metal. For some women, crosses seem to be to them what very big trucks are to their husbands. I’m not going to elaborate on that, but if you know what I mean, feel free to give me a wink. I’d like to know that I’m not alone in thinking this.

7. Random photographs with shapes that might be construed as letters of the alphabet and placed in a frame to spell out your last name or first name or SOONERS. The first year these things were at AAotH the booth didn’t even bother to have any on hand other than display pieces. It looked like that was a smart idea because it forced people to make a decision: do I place an order or do I attempt to live my life without this work of art in my very Southern Living, Country Sampler-fied home? And I can tell you that year people were placing orders right and left. The booth was crazy busy and the ladies working it barely had a moment to breath the few times I passed them. But the second year? There were no fewer than 5 booths selling the same thing. I don’t know whose original idea it was, but the moral of the story is that you MUST be one of two things at this show. A complete sell-out (Market goods crowd) or so original you aren’t going to be able to take care of all the people who want to buy your product.

I’ll take the latter of those two any day, but if you do fall into that spot at a show one thing you have to accept is that next year someone else is going to be cashing in on what you created that year before and they may even be better. I grew up in the craft show circuit (it’s not much different from being a Ren Faire kid–free craft fair food, your run of the place, and all the wooden swords and popguns you could want) and sometimes I feel that urge to create something kitschy and fantastic and sure to suck in a certain portion of the female population. Then I remember what it was like to unload tables from a trailer and set them up in a fair barn that smelled like pigs until enough cinnamon scented candles had been lit and orange spice potpurri was lining the aisles. Hanging crafts from hooks on pegboards before we’d even had breakfast. I remember how Mom would be up until all hours of the night to get one last doll sewn or just a few more pinecone Christmas trees flocked. And I think I’m content (for now, because who knows how I’ll feel when I have slave labor children) to roam the aisles without the added burden of thieving people’s ideas.

(So glad Chad over at The Lost Ogle didn’t forget this was happening. And for those of you who aren’t interested in wreaths and raffia he’s got a few other ideas for the weekend.)

This post was first written back in September…like when it was relevant and we’d attended the fair a few days before. Then it sat as a draft for a long time and I forgot about it. But now you get to enjoy!

Seriously, someone needs to get one of those old school commercials promoting The Fair up on YouTube. I miss them.

If you follow me on Twitter, you might have seen this:

Going to State Fair. Bringing camera. Forecast: Mullets w/ an 80% chance of overalls. 05:44 PM September 17, 2008 from web

If you aren’t, look what you’re missing?

Anyway, forecast was on the money. Even if it was as much of a given as standing outside somewhere in Moore, OK in early May, seeing a couch fly past, and saying, “I think it might rain.”

There were a lot of shots I missed, 1) because it was night and 2) because there were a lot of people that I didn’t want turning around and saying, “Whatchoo think yer doin’ takin’ a pitcher of me?” I’m from the country, but I’m not a survivor. The only thing that comes out in me whenever I “return to the herd” (as I said to Kevin) is my accent. None of that, taking-my-earrings-off, hair-pulling stuff that some of my folks do (and by “my folks” I just mean the people I grew up around. NOT my family. My mother and the rest of my kin that read this would want me to point that out. We’re pretty peaceful). So there’s my excuse. Go ahead and enjoy the ones I did catch–like the smoking pregnant woman.

Without divulging too much, allow me to tell you something. I answer a lot of phone calls on a daily basis. I hear a lot of accents and get to interact with a number of lovely people. But I get some older folks from time to time who either 1) can’t hear, 2) don’t know what they want/need, 3) think my name is Alyssa, or 4) all of the above. Keeps me on my toes and provides comic relief, so I’m not complaining. Last night though, I got a very unique call. I’ll let you hear what the fellow said, but I should really do an audio post. Because if you haven’t heard someone from southern Oklahoma say the word “battery,” well, you’re missing out on something very special.

MAN: Yeah, Lizbuth, I need you to answer me a question!
ME: All right, sir. I’ll do my best.
MAN: You got yerself any uh them cables thar?
ME: Well, let me see if I can find someone here to assist you with that.
MAN: Naw!
ME: Sir?
MAN: I don’ need no help, just need fer you to tell me if you got any uh them cables!
ME: I am not sure, sir. Let me ask someone for you.
MAN: ALL’S I WANT TO KNOW’S IF YOU GOT ANY BATT-REE CABLES! For my pickup truck!
ME: Oh, no, I’m sorry. We don’t.
MAN: Well, now…all right.

*click*

AKA, the belated Sunday Morning Coffee: Okie Blogger Edition!

Because I can’t have real Gatorade (full of sugar), but Crystal Light has come up with a fine impersonation of the product. Check out any of their drink mixes or drinks sold in stores under the label “hydration.” Tasty stuff. And I’m going with a sports drink 1) because my low-carb way of eating is back in full swing (I was bad off and on throughout the holidays) and 2) it’s the national championship and come on, we need to be thinking football and something about sports drinks makes me think football. I really prefer blue Powerade though. Used to drink that stuff all the time in the dorms at OU. Corn syrup addiction.

Now, on to the good stuff! Like I told you last week, the time for the Okie Blog Awards is at hand. If you haven’t put in your nominations (ahem, like me…it takes a while!), well, you’re in luck because I am going to provide you with a good look at some of the top notch blogs that exist here where the wind comes sweeping down the plain (to witness this in action, I suggest driving north out of Duncan, up 81 into Chickasha and on north sometime in the month of March).

We need music for this. Okay…hmm, I’d put together a mix for this, but my list isn’t that long, so let me go find something for you…alright, here we go. Okie connections (see my about page) in an Office related fanvid.

And honorable mention, because someone needs to appreciate what this song was before it was defiled, and I don’t think it’s going to make the cut for the reception. Kevin does have veto power.

• First off, let me just say that I love Piper. She recently re-posted an entry from early last year and I think it is a great showcase of her writing.
• Shannon over at Rocks in My Dryer went to Africa last year. Those are some of the most heartbreaking, convicting blog posts I think you’ll find anywhere. I just adore her.
• Since I can’t really vote for Kick the Anthill (I write there on occasion) I am going to tell you that you need to. For the three other bloggers because they are all AMAZING (most overused word by today’s college students, ever. other than maybe “ever”). Nume recently discussed the “Palestinian ‘peace’ movement” and provided some video and links. This reaches Oklahoma, folks.
• Then there’s the Redneck Diva who is funny and isn’t ashamed to stuff a possum and use it in a Christmas display. You show me another Christmas lights display featuring roadkill. Second place? She’s a winner in my book.
• EatAroundOKC.com, written by…I have no idea, but I love their reviews of area restaurants. They gave me some much needed info recently on a place that Kevin and I have been meaning to try.
• Friar’s Fires. Like he says, from time to time, he has an opinion. And if it’s not downright hilarious, it’s entertaining at the very least. Highly recommended.
• I like Dustbury, don’t know much about him, but the little bird song on the page is sort of endearing.
• And why can’t there be a category simply called “Pretty” where we award Sam every year? Someone tell me why we can’t live in a world like that.
• Melessa and I see eye-to-eye on Twilight (in my criticism thus far) and that’s enough for me.

Happy voting!

The Redneck Diva is calling for my appearance at the 2008 Okie Blog Awards.

Oh, I’ll be there, honey. One request: THAT IT NOT BE IN TULSUCKA.