I went to Hastings this evening to buy my copy of Going Rogue (coworkers gave me a giftcard there for my birthday & did you know that the book sold 300,000 copies on its first day?) and first thing, just as soon as I walked through the door, a youngish employee walked up to me carrying a sign advertising happy hour at their cafe, kinda dancing around with it. That was weird enough. Then she said, “I think I’ll just let Sarah Palin’s book table (at the front of the store, where I was walking) prop up my sign. It’s not good for anything else, right? Haha.” I smiled politely, picked up my copy (one of the dozen or so left on the long table) and walked on.

What do you do in a situation like that? Say, “I’m going to overlook your ignorance and go ahead and make my purchase here, rather than at a more professional establishment.” What in the WORLD? It may not be the first rule, but somewhere near the top is, “Do not make disparaging comments about your product.”

Honey, you are working in a retail store. You sell books, DVDs, CDs, and the occasional cup of coffee. Keyword here? SELL. You SELL. You sell your personality as a retail salesclerk and every product in the establishment. If you have a problem with something you are selling or feel SO STRONGLY about it that you cannot keep your mouth shut around a customer who just walked in the door (I was literally 5 steps inside the store), you need to find yourself a different job.

Don’t get me wrong. I appreciate an employee being knowledgeable about a product. I love when I can ask a bookseller a question and get a good answer. It is so rare to find that anymore. So, yes, your opinion does matter…when your customer asks for it. Even then you should use some tact.

And I’m not just saying this because it’s Palin. I understand that there are a lot of people who don’t like her. This is “I Work in Retail 101″ and a notice to the Hastings in Norman, Oklahoma that you have a rogue employee you might want to get under control. You have a right to your political opinion and a right to share it. But not to customers in your place of business.

For the first time in three, maybe four, years, I did not host a Halloween party. It felt a little weird, but I was really content to sleep in today and watch Halloween in my pajamas instead of wake up and work on party preparations until seconds before the first guests walked through the door. Really. And it helped that our town’s designated trick-or-treat night wasn’t held on the actual holiday (due to some sporting event that draws an 80k+ crowd). No one bothering us. Much to our surprise, no one tried to trick us last night while we sat indoors with all the lights out. We really scrooged this one.

I do enjoy the holiday. As unpopular as it may be with some of my family and friends who feel it does more harm than good, having never celebrated until college made it quite the treat for me. Dressing up as a fictional character? I am so there.

To keep in the spirit of things. I thought I would share some photos from Halloweens past. It’s really a rather significant night in the evolution of my relationship with Mr. Crumpler. You see, at my second Halloween party, Kevin showed up. Invited of course, but still, I barely knew him. At that point I thought he was interested in me, but…little did I know the wheels that were turning in that man’s brain. It was that evening, just 3 years ago, that I caught him looking at me and quickly glancing away. All evening long.

Smooth, Kevin. Reeeal smooth.

The food is one of the most important parts of these parties. But when is it not if I’m hosting it.

This was the year that I was Dorothy Gale at the dayschool and Kevin and I were Alfalfa and Darla that evening at the party.

And of course, last year Kevin and I were John McCain and Sarah Palin.

Mmm…Raspberries & Creme. I love flavored coffee. It makes my sugar-free life worth living. On with the show!

• I got a tumblr. And my name on there is Crumpette. You see, I’m about to marry a guy whose last name is Crumpler and who has been called Crumpy by one and all for a long time now. So, naturally, I’m Crumpette, right? He warned me that the name might stick if I’m not careful. It’s not any worse than being called Lizard Breath by your older cousins when you are 4-years-old and sensitive to things like that.
• Robyn Hitchcock is talking about making a Magnum Force (the sequel to Dirty Harry) musical. I ran into this piece of news somewhere else and then Brett wrote something on it and I had to link you all to his post. In it he points out a very serious flaw. I don’t know if that was on the part of the person who did the write-up on Broadway.com or Robyn Hitchcock–”an admitted Magnum Force obsessive.”
• Scientology Incorporated by Tim Slagle
• Thomas Jeffries brings up some great points about worship songs in Modern Worship: It’s All About Me.
• In case you missed it (it was buried beneath a lot of things in the news) — “It seems the era of Hope is to be inaugurated with a slaughter of the innocents.”
• Fireproof is now out on DVD. Go buy!
• Not really sure what to make of Obama’s comments about Robert E. Lee at the Alfalfa Club Dinner.
• Now, more than ever, I believe that John McCain never wanted or intended to be president.
• Lincoln. King. Obama? Please.
  
• We’ve gone back to the 70s.
  

  So I’m thinking we’ll have the following scenario in about four years:

  1. A Western governor who is incredibly enthusiastic and telegenic runs for President.

  2. This governor is tough, athletic, very happily married, loves the outdoors, and makes everyone feel good after an administration that bumbles its way through a single-term fiasco.

  3. The governor gets elected despite huge, active opposition from the supposedly neutral media, and the seemingly impossible occurs — the economy turns around, and a major bloc of America’s enemies fall like dominoes and freedom prospers in places where it formerly seemed impossible.

  Anybody remember Ronald Reagan?

  Okay, can you think of a Western governor with a two-syllable first name whose two-syllable last name rhymes with Reagan?

  Think about it – you can see her house from here.

  Supposedly, the Mayan calendar runs out in 2012 (so much for vision from those guys) and correlates with a Hindu prophecy from Lord Krishna that says we will enter a Golden Age on Earth. Can you hear a sitar playing? (Shut up, it’s a better idea than Edgar Cayce or $cientology or The Presidential Pledge.)

  Sounds good to me, you betchas.

• Explain this to me–why is our president carrying around a monkey god in his pocket?

…just what possessed Shia LaBeouf to wear a bag on his head.

I’m thinking he probably heard about my brother and I planning to perform at Barnes & Noble as Liz & the Bagman (me sitting on a stool, singing and wearing my Lisa Loeb glasses and Kyle with a bag on his head playing guitar because what about playing music with your sister who’s, visually, a cross between Lisa Loeb and Sarah Palin and covers Captain & Tennille, Tori Amos, and Little Jimmy Osmond all in one set isn’t embarrassing?). Please, Shia. Try something original.

It’s freezing in here. Going to turn up the heat.

All right, that’s better. Coffee is brewing and I’m wide-awake, looking outside at the extraordinary cloud of fog that has gathered in my backyard, and likely the rest of Norman this morning. Clare has been sitting on the back step staring out into the soupy white abyss all morning. I think this is the first fog she’s seen. Also, this appears to be the morning that the leaves in my trees decided they were going to fall. At least the tree closest to the house. So many of them are falling from the top limbs that it sounds like it’s sprinkling outside.

As you know, Kevin and I dressed as McCain and Palin for Halloween this year. I will admit right now that I have nothing on this girl, but that I plan to produce a few of these in the future:

• McDonald’s stops offering free cups of water. Isn’t this against the law in some places? Once when I was at Six Flags Over Texas in Arlington, everyone was getting water for free because not long before a woman had died after they had refused to give her water during a heat stroke or something. Hmm. I just always thought you couldn’t get away with refusing someone a cup of water.
• Go vote on Tuesday and then get yourself some free coffee. But please go listen to Cindy before you do. I’m going to wait until the evening to get mine, because I know I’ll be up all night.
• What it’s like to be a woman. Unless you’ve never struggled with your weight. Then…psh. About to share something that is probably TMI (that’s “Too Much Information”, Mom)–Heather, remember that time I wore that tank top to bed that had the built in sports bra and thought I was going to choke to death in my sleep? Yeah, that was funny. And similar.
• The 10 Cannots by William J. H. Boetcker. “You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.”
• My fellow Republicans, the time is NOW. “If you decide upon a third party in protest, you are casting a vote for Barack Obama.”
• I don’t really mind modern versions of Christmas songs, but seriously, that “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen” by the Barenaked Ladies and Sarah McLachlan needs to be put down in the back pasture and left on the hill to attract flies and dry out.
• Obama’s coronation outfit. And how his followers are like people stumbling around in basement in a horror flick, saying, “who’s there?” and moving toward the sound instead of RUNNING AWAY AND SAVING THEIR FAMILY.
• Jeremiah Wright planted a “seed of faith” in Barack Obama.
• “Go ahead and call me racist. I don’t care. I’m not voting Barack.”
• Making the world a weirder place. Starting with my eBay package.
• Forget getting answers before Wednesday. Barack Obama won’t be answering questions until after the election. Score.
• Pay attention:

And on one last, bitter note this Sunday morning…I do not expect to change anyone’s mind at this point. Not at all. But you bet your sweet buttons I will be blaming you for the next four years.

If you’re fine selling American to the highest bidder, you are a fool.
If you’re fine with voting for someone with shady (at best) associations, let it be on your head. (If a homegrown terrorist had killed one of your family members, where would you stand?)
If you’re fine with voting for someone who has no qualms with letting a baby, born alive, die, let their final whimpers echo in your mind when you dream. (Tell me, when does your child or grandchild become a person? The moment they emerge into open air? Or the moment you find out that, miraculously, a minute speck of endless possibility–a HUMAN BEING–is thriving inside your body or that of a family member?)

The Yin-Yang News of the Day at Kick the Anthill: Voter Fraud Edition. Worth a look.

Halloween party in two days. I’m dressing as Sarah Palin. Kevin is going to be John McCain. And yes, it was totally my idea and he loves me. But this is a fun, easy Halloween costume. Even easier than the year that I threw on some cutoff overalls, an orange t-shirt, drew some freckles, and put my hair in braids to be a fan of Oklahoma State University.

I have never been able to describe the way “The View” makes me feel. I mean, I always tried to catch it when I was home sick from school. That was my favorite thing about being sick. Those two weeks I was out of school with pneumonia during 9th grade were amazing. Besides passing out and almost dying I got to enjoy the stars of Frequency appearing frequently (like that?) on every talk show that existed at the time.

But back to “The View.” I was thrilled when Elisabeth Hasselbeck joined the show my freshman year of college. Ask my roommate. I watched that stuff everyday. And once I figured out she was (mildly) conservative–SCORE. Ain’t many people who represent my views on TV these days so I take what I can get.

Then Rosie came along. And before you start jumping on me for being against her from the start, I have to tell you–you are dead wrong. I loved Rosie’s old talk show and hoped that my school bus would arrive home in time for me to at least catch the last 30 minutes of the show each afternoon. I loved her, dearly. Musicals? Check. A love for George Clooney and ER? You betcha. A band leader who I almost plowed over backstage during a pageant I was in? Got that one covered and need to blog about it. You understand? I loved her. We were pals. I wanted to be her friend in real life.

But Rosie plus “The View”? Disaster. That was the biggest train wreck I ever saw. It turned into a game here at my house, seeing if I could be quick enough with the mute button so that I wouldn’t have to hear what Ro had to say.

After all that I stopped watching. For one thing, it was too stressful. Another? I got a job, finished school, and was no longer home at that time of day. Breaks a habit real quick.

But how does watching “The View” make me feel? A little bit like I’m holding a bag of cats, trying to hang on to it while holding it as far away from my body as possible.

7:57 – Getting ready for this thing to start.
8:02 – Yay! Here they are!
8:03 – Wowee. Okay, it’s the only time I’ll say it and it has nothing to do with anything, but YAY for going ahead and being a girl. She is beautiful.
8:05 – I appreciate eye-contact. Thank you, Governor.
8:06 – Wootiwoo! Did she just gesture toward Mr. B? Yes, I think she did!
8:07 – An aside: I used to think Joe Biden was attractive. I don’t anymore. A young John McCain was like, sooo much better looking. What do you think?

8:20 – This debate is brought to you by the word “fairness.”
8:27 – “Toxic mess”–I agree.
8:32 – Wait. What, Joe? I thought you opened this thing up with your biggest “fundamental difference?”
8:34 – Oh, you’ve always been for clean coal? That explains the clip I saw of you.
8:34 – Ten years to get a drop of that oil to us? Here, Joe, here’s my dad’s number. Just give him a call. If you need some oil I am sure that he’d be happy to get some to you, stat.
8:42 – No end in sight to the war? Are you kidding me?
8:43 – A white flag. Amen.
8:44 – Go ahead, giggle. It’s funny, Joe. How you loved John McCain, sang his praises, and said you’d love to run on a ticket with him until you had an offer from your own side of the aisle.
8:49 – Umm, I believe he did suggest sitting down and speaking with Ahmadinejad. Hold on. I’ll find the clip.
8:52 – Yeah, I’m sure he has a passion for Israel. Sure. But I am also fairly sure it’s not the same passion. Do with that what you will.
8:54 – LOL. Did you HEAR that intake of breath?! Are you watching his lips twitch?! Is he seething or is it just another aneurysm?
9:06 – John McCain “knows what evil is” and it smells like B.O.
9:07 – It would be a “national tragedy of historic proportions.” Well, at least it would be history then. “But if it did…”–one can only hope.
9:09 – You are doing good tonight, girl.
9:17 – Yeah, but umm…President of the Senate ex officio? Heard of that one?
9:20 – You’re not going to change, but isn’t that what your entire campaign is built around?
9:22 – Regarding Twitter updates I have been subjected to: you are tacky, you don’t love your country, and you, well, I’m just ashamed of you.
9:25 – Good. I’m ready for this to be over.
9:26 – Please do well, please do well, please do well.
9:27 – You sure think highly of yourself.
9:28 – You’ve never questioned another senator’s motives? Isn’t that what you are doing with most of what McCain stands for?
9:30 – I appreciate you, Gov. Palin. What you believe in, what you are not afraid to stand up for, the decisions that you make, and I appreciate the fact that I can be proud to have a woman like you, representing a woman like me in this age of change. Gov. Palin, you are my pick. I am not frightened at the thought of having you “a heartbeat away” from the presidency–I’m thrilled. For the first time in my life, I can say that I am proud to have a woman in your position representing me and the things that I stand for.

Go get ‘em.

(Cross-posted to Kick the Anthill)

Oh yes, I did.

My mom called me this afternoon and asked, “What size shirt do you wear?” “Small,” I replied, biting my tongue to keep from saying anything else. You see, Mom and Dad were at the Great State Fair of Oooook-lahoma! and I was a little worried that I was about to end up with a crocheted blouse with a glow-in-the-dark wolf ironed-on to the front. Oh how wrong I was. My mother, she knows me.

And she sure enough raised me Right.

(Cross-posted to Kick the Anthill)

Cross-posted from Kick the Anthill.

9:13 - Yes, I need that exclamation point.
9:15 - Drill, baby, drill.
9:17 - Pretty excited to see what her hair looks like, too
9:27 - AMEN, Rudy. “How dare they? When have they ever asked a man that question?”
9:28 - SARAH! Oh lands sakes. I’m gonna bawl.
9:33 - Was told for the 5th time today that I look like her. I’m okay with that.
9:35 - “That is EXACTLY the kind of man I want as commander-in-chief.”
9:37 - Yes, Piper, I’ll vote for your mommy.
9:39 - “Every woman can walk through every door of opportunity.”
9:40 - “‘We grow good people in our small towns’…I grew up with those people…they are always proud of America.” You just TRY sitting out of the national anthem at a small town football game. I’ve seen kids backhanded over that.
9:45 - “I’m not going to Washington to seek their good opinion. I’m going to Washington to serve the people of this great country.”
9:49 - Piper, please don’t poke Trig in the eye. Thank you.
9:56 - Haha. Greek columns. Hah.
9:57 - Kevin says she sounds “sassy and bold.” Two things I think I can cover when I dress as her for Halloween.
10:03 - Preach on, sister. “The American presidency is not supposed to be a journey of personal discovery.”
10:10 - Thank you, God, for Sarah Palin.
10:15 - Oh my lands. RNC just got REAL trashy. Gretchen Wilson? Please.