Weirdest chat ever with Kevin:

me: also: when we are married we can watch the Red Green show on friday nights
me: score
me: it’s going to be awesome being married.

Without divulging too much, allow me to tell you something. I answer a lot of phone calls on a daily basis. I hear a lot of accents and get to interact with a number of lovely people. But I get some older folks from time to time who either 1) can’t hear, 2) don’t know what they want/need, 3) think my name is Alyssa, or 4) all of the above. Keeps me on my toes and provides comic relief, so I’m not complaining. Last night though, I got a very unique call. I’ll let you hear what the fellow said, but I should really do an audio post. Because if you haven’t heard someone from southern Oklahoma say the word “battery,” well, you’re missing out on something very special.

MAN: Yeah, Lizbuth, I need you to answer me a question!
ME: All right, sir. I’ll do my best.
MAN: You got yerself any uh them cables thar?
ME: Well, let me see if I can find someone here to assist you with that.
MAN: Naw!
ME: Sir?
MAN: I don’ need no help, just need fer you to tell me if you got any uh them cables!
ME: I am not sure, sir. Let me ask someone for you.
MAN: ALL’S I WANT TO KNOW’S IF YOU GOT ANY BATT-REE CABLES! For my pickup truck!
ME: Oh, no, I’m sorry. We don’t.
MAN: Well, now…all right.

*click*

In case you had no idea that I battle the powers of darkness (POD, which may be my new codeword. And those of you who know my current codeword… ) on a daily basis.

FRIEND: Oh man, we’re talking demons here.
ME: What if it opens a portal to Hades–
FRIEND: Elizabeth, you can say no to the devil.
ME:–home to Lucifer, Prince of Darkness?
FRIEND: SAY NO TO THE DEVIIIIIILLL!

I relayed this conversation to Granny and she had something to say:

Tell her you’ll throw a blanket over her shoulders before you put her in the ground.

Discussing her mother-of-the-bride dress:

Mom: I want something I can wear again. I want to get my money’s worth!
Me: You’ll get your money’s worth and you can wear it again.
Mom: When?!!
Me: I’ll have you buried in it.
Mom: That thing is sleeveless…I don’t want to be cold!

Overheard at the daycare:

4-Year-Old Boy: But M____, I love you.
4-Year-Old Girl: That’s nice, but I don’t want to be your girlfriend.
4-Year-Old Boy: But…I’m a good man! I don’t hit people!

Kevin says: oh, here is a fact for you
yesterday was the 207th anniversary of the signing of the Treaty of San Ildefonso
which gave Louisiana back to France

Tell me, how can I not love him? He tells me random facts about American history and I bake him cookies.

Yesterday I worked in the 3-year-old room. Not my usual place and most definitely not my favorite, but it does make for an interesting time. These young people speak a bit more clearly, “go pee-pee in the potty”, and don’t always have to wear bibs. Nice change from the everyday, “I poopy.”

Young Trent was sitting at the table, singing “I’m In The Lord’s Army” and I knew this because he got all the bits about marching in the infantry and riding in the cavalry right. It was that last little bit that caught my attention. So I asked, “Trent, could you sing it again?” And off he went, belting it out.

“I may never march in the infantry
Ride in the cavalry
Shoot the artillery
I may never fly o’er the enemy
But I don’t know what’s wrong with me!
Yes, sir!
I don’t know what’s wrong with me!
Yes, sir!“

For those of you who didn’t grow up attending vacation Bible school, the line is not “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” It’s “I’m in the Lord’s army.”

Another story about “beans” tomorrow. Today is GAME DAY at OU! Woowoo!

“Miss Elizabeth, you know why they call hippos ‘hippos’?”
“Why is that?”
“Because they have big hips.“

And while we’re talking about funny little boys: “I Kee A-dala.” Nan has a rather comical one of her own.

ME: So, just as a backup plan for next summer and next year, I’m thinking of applying to teach at The David School.
AARYN: What’s that?
ME: A school in Kentucky for underpriveleged Appalachian children.
AARYN: Okay, Christy.