Now, this is the story all about how…

Just kidding. But I do know every single word to the Fresh Prince of Bel Air theme song. It’s gotten me a long way in life, as you can probably tell.

This is something I’ve been meaning to write for a long time. It is “The Story of How I Met My Husband, Long-Form.” I’m pretty sure most people know the short version — went to school, hung out for a few years, met this dude who was a senior in high school when I was in 8th grade, got married.

I was blogging the entire time we were dating, but I never ever talked about our relationship. It may amaze you that I managed that sort of restraint, however, it never occurred to me that writing about it while it was happening would be appropriate. In reality, I’m very talented at freaking people out and the last thing I wanted to do was scare this fairly normal, upstanding, Christian guy away.

Ours is an interesting story. I hear all the time from people who knew us both before we dated that they never would have pictured us together — and I get that. Neither would I. But together? It’s like when you find a good contrasting color to paint one wall in a room, one that by itself maybe doesn’t look like it will belong with the main color, but then you put them together and stand back to take it all in and say, “Huh. It works somehow.”

I’ve established the TV and movies that I feel represent our relationship the best. It’s sorta like Son-In-Law in the situation (only that Kevin is nothing like Pauly Shore and I didn’t come home from my first year of college donning fish-nets and brassy bottle-blond hair…but you know, other than that); like My Big Fat Greek Wedding in that…well, have you met my family? We’re not Greek, but I think if you threw an accent on us all and encouraged us to break china you wouldn’t be able to see much difference. And at this stage in our lives it’s something like Green Acres, only reverse. I’m definitely the one who wants to move (back) to the country and farm. And Kevin tells me I’m responsible for the feeding of the goat and chickens because he wants no part of it.

There’s a little bit of Big Valley thrown in, but lest anyone start thinking I want my husband dead and the responsibility of running a whole ranch on my hands, I’m going to leave that one out for now.

Only here’s the deal — I’ve got no idea what to call this little series of mine. I’m working on a name and I’ve got a few possibilities floating around in my head, but I’m going to let you, the reader, tell me which one you prefer. That post will be later today or tomorrow, but right now I want to open it up to your suggestions.

What do you think would be a good name for the series about how I met my husband?

• I TOTALLY approve of the GLEE intro!
• Jorge!
• You know you’re a LOST fan when you’re thrilled over Jorge Garcia and not so much Jon Hamm.
• Okay, so it’s just the first award, but I kinda like the commentary on the winner as he/she is walking onstage.
• I guess I need to start watching Modern Family.
• Also, my intestines are so ridiculously upset right now that I’m terrified to eat anything. But I’m starving.
• You’re welcome.
• Love Edie Falco’s dress.
• Fact — I cannot spot a Kardashian. I have no idea who they are and I’m proud of this.
• Praying Matt Mahler didn’t see that COULD IT BE ANYMORE SPOILERISH spoiler for LOST.
• Moment of truth for our LOST guys…
• GAH. So bummed.
• Ricky Gervais was hilarious, but I’m pretty bored at this point.
• My liveblogs always end up this way.
• I should liveblog something more fun. Like the flea market.

Before we get started, would you care to see William Shatner scared to death by a dancing ape creature? Thought so.

This was one of my favorite shows to watch when I was a little kid and I enjoy it even more now. Kevin and I have been going through the collections disc by disc on Netflix and I’ve gathered a pretty good group of favorites. Do you have any?

I can’t really say much about the episodes, because you know how The Twilight Zone goes. Lots of twists and revelations toward the end of an episode that would really ruin it if you knew ahead of time!

13. On Thursday We Leave For Home
Classic episode starring James Whitmore. There’s some religious commentary in this one and a really great story about a leader, change, and fear of the unknown.

12. Will the Real Martian Please Stand Up?
Like aliens? This one is for you. It’s a bit of a mystery with a funny little twist at the end. Love it!

11. A Hundred Yards Over the Rim
This episode combines two of my favorite things — the Old West and time travel.

10. Two
In spite of the fact that I really, really don’t like Charles Bronson, this is a good one. It also stars Elizabeth Montgomery as they portray the last two humans left on earth.

9. An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge
Simply because it’s also one of my favorite stories by one of my favorite writers, Ambrose Bierce. Also, I think you can gain a lot of insight about LOST from this.

8. Little Girl Lost
Little girl falls through a portal to another dimension in her bedroom. What more do I need to say?

7. Nothing in the Dark
I love the premise here. An elderly woman thinks that Death is waiting outside her door. Only the man she thinks is Death is a young Robert Redford. And he delivers one of the best lines in the entire series — “You see. No shock. No engulfment. No tearing asunder. What you feared would come like an explosion is like a whisper. What you thought was the end is the beginning.”

6. Stopover in a Quiet Town
A couple wakes up and has no idea where they are. Looks like a pretty terrible bender, but just you wait…

5. The Obsolete Man
Such a good episode. Some commentary on socialism and what appears to be the direction Rod Serling may have assumed our country was going. In his closing monologue there is another wonderful quote — “Any state, any entity, any ideology that fails to recognize the worth, the dignity, the rights of man, that state is obsolete.”

4. It’s a Good Life
There’s just something about a crazy psychokinetic child that I can’t resist.

3. Nick of Time
There’s a creepy little fortune-telling machine in this one. And there’s William Shatner. One that I actually find chilling.

2. The Invaders
Little aliens! Cah-reeeep-y! I recommend watching all of this one. There is a signature crazy twist at the end.

1. The Hitch Hiker
This one really scares me a little bit. You know me and my fear of highway deviance (à la Breakdown). This fits the bill.

I watched a lot of Designing Women as a kid. And even more as a teen when it was in syndication on Lifetime. When I was a liberal, Julia Sugarbaker was my hero and when I came to my senses I was glad to see that Dixie Carter was on my side. That, and her name is Dixie. (Would Kevin be okay with that name? Hmm…he did just suggest the names Boo, Bonney, and Agnes in a public forum. Dixie could be a real possibility.)

Anyway. Do you remember that one where Charlene has her baby and she has a dream and Dolly Parton appears as her “guardian movie star” (1:47 in this video; the whole thing isn’t available as far as I can tell, but just the bit this video features is enough to make you cry and want to have babies LIKERIGHTNOW. Just me? Okay.) in a cloudy dream world where she proceeds to sing “Somewhere Out There,” which at that time had recently been made famous by the fabulous An American Tail?

Oh, you didn’t watch that? Shame. That little piece of TV stuck in my subconscious for years and years. It was the first place I heard that pretty song (before we rented An American Tail) and I remember being so excited about this episode and watching it the night it aired. And I remember it being the first thing I’d ever seen on TV that made me want to cry for reasons that I didn’t understand. You see, it was January 1, 1990 and I had just turned 5-years-old.

Okay, I’ll shutup now.

The point is, a few weeks ago I had a dream and Sheldon Cooper was in it. I’ll blame it on the fact that my hormones were wacky and I had some crazy thoughts running through my mind. But he was there to give me a message. And right now I am going to break my rules about what I post on my blog and say a word that my parents, grandparents, and really anyone older than me who shares some kind of kinship would NOT approve of.

TMI follows: Sheldon sometimes uses really technical language to get his point across, often taking much more time than what is necessary. Dream Sheldon was no different. He started off his speech by saying, “Coitus often leads to conception.” That’s right. Coitus. Who says that in a dream? Sheldon Cooper.

Sheldon was there to tell me that I was going to have a baby. And it was weird. But comforting and informative at the same time.

(Bet you thought I was going to end this post by saying that I’m actually pregnant*, right? BAZINGA.)

*I’m not.**
**Whenever I am, I’ll say I am. None of that “we” stuff. Seriously, I want to knock people’s teeth out when they say that. When have you ever seen a pregnant man (that has always been a man)?

Oh, hi, Matt. And Tim.

. . .

My one word for Season 3: Transition. I’ve been told all along Season 3 is where the series really starts to get … confusing, if you will. I was content with the first two seasons. Sure, there were a few more questions raised in Season 2, but compared to Season 3, most of them seem … unimportant. I don’t want to say irrelevant because the smallest occurrence could have a significant impact on future events. Plus, the questions posed by this season seem … deeper. Like there’s more to them. It’s hard to put into words. Though I’ll certainly do my best… (more…)

We fly Southwest. Always. Always always. Kevin does not believe in paying extra for bags and hey, I’m right there with him. So I’ve only ever flown Southwest except for that one time that we had to fly Delta. Thankfully our experience looked nothing like what Colleen usually deals with, but still. I prefer our usual.

Long before I stepped on my first flight (3 years ago at age 22) I was a fan of the A&E show Airline (it’s streaming on Netflix so go check it out!). It was an early reality-based TV show that actually showed what the people of Southwest Airlines did on a day-to-day basis and not some cooked up drama. I love flying through BWI because most of the time I see one of the ladies that I used to watch every week. The show is really entertaining (to me at least, but you have to keep in mind that at the time I wanted to be a flight attendant) and can be hilarious at times. I mean, drunk people in an airport, trying to get on a plane. Or drunk people who have missed their flight. Or drunk people who swear they aren’t drunk and if you don’t let them on that plane then by George you’ll regret it because they are missing their own wedding to a person they met in the bar at this very airport one month ago (actual plot from an episode). Common denominator here — drunk people. Coming from a family of teetotalers, drunk people are hilarious to me, especially the ones making royal fools of themselves in public.

The thing is I’ve never run into anyone drunk in an airport. Ever. Haven’t witnessed a scene of any kind. But Airline had prepared me for what I might encounter, so whenever I was boarding the plane in Denver to fly to Philly and felt someone bump into me and sort of get all up on me, I tried not to react because I had an idea of what I might be in for. Well, then this woman started shaking my shoulder and saying, “Excuse me, excuse me please, can you tell me where I need to be?” Her voice sounded familiar and I turned to check out the number on her boarding pass to help her find her place in line.

Oh. My. Lands.

It is a drunk.

It’s Meredith from The Office.

DRUNK MEREDITH.

Okay, it was Kate Flannery, but in my mind I am thinking DRUNK MEREDITH FROM THE OFFICE IS RIGHT HERE. I am not sure how many different faces my countenance contorted into at that moment, but I know my eyes were as big as saucers. Somehow I remained composed, checked out the number on her boarding pass, and told her that she was in front of us.

All the while, Kevin is deep in conversation with this guy about the Big 12 and what’s happening to it and yada yada, he doesn’t even notice that DRUNK MEREDITH is standing right in front of him. She is a pretty tiny lady, but still. So I’m kind of jabbing him but he doesn’t really respond because he’s used to me doing that sort of thing. And because I’m afraid he’s going to miss this or that the internet won’t believe me when I return with my tale, I dig around for my phone and snap the best picture I could get in that lighting. My real camera is a little too serious looking and I didn’t want to scare her or think I was some weirdo.

He finally responds to all my poking and prodding by turning around and saying, “Do you see who that is?!” And I’m thinking, No, I’ve only been poking your ribs for the past minute in a half to annoy you. But I just nod. By this time, Ms. Flannery has started eating an Egg McMuffin and I was really really hoping that Kevin would just let her be. But do you know Kevin? Okay. And the thing is, he’s sneaky. Quiet. Almost a creeper, but not quite. He’s very good at jumping out and scaring people. And really, his cunning is rivaled only by that of some African jungle cat. I’m pretty sure we put it on the table during our premarital counseling that he is never allowed to sneak up on me or scare me in anyway. Like my mother, I am highly susceptible to those types of attacks.

And what did Kevin do? He leaned down next to her and whispered, “We’re really big fans of the show.” She turned, smiling, enjoying her Egg McMuffin and said, “Aww, thanks.” That began a conversation between the two of them that I listened to but really didn’t participate in because it’s DRUNK MEREDITH and all my life I have wondered what I would do if I encountered a celebrity of any caliber and what I did know was that I would not be annoying. Shoot, sometimes I hate it when people start talking to me out of the blue. Imagine if people did that everywhere you went. That sounds like my worst nightmare (next to the movie Breakdown, but you know what I mean).

She was gracious and very pleasant, answered Kevin’s questions about her favorite episodes to be in (The Wedding), and went on her way to her seat. Whenever we got off the plane 4 hours later I asked Kevin not to bother her again, even though she didn’t put off the vibe that he was bothering her. And what happens? She approaches him while we’re waiting for our baggage and strikes up a conversation! What a nice woman.

Kate, you’re the only celebrity I have ever accidentally run into. And only the third famous person I’ve met in my life (the other two being Nicholas Sparks and Tom Lester aka Eb from Green Acres). And it was really nice to meet you. Thank you for putting up with us crazy Office fans.

And the best part, by far, is what she said to Kevin when they first started talking. “Sorry I’m just eating an Egg McMuffin and not drinking.”

• Aww, shucks, Matt. I don’t think anyone has ever said anything so nice about my husband and I.
• THIS. Exactly. “The best part about Facebook scam pages is that it helps announce to you which of your Facebook friends are dumb.“
• Say “I Do” to the name change
• The Dirty Dozen and The Clean 15 — read it!
• Burger King Crafts: Twilight Edition
• Colleen’s brief thoughts on the LOST finale
• Man, a baby hippopotamus looks like a great pet.
• The Traveling Red Dress, from The Bloggess
• 45 Things To Do With Fresh Sage – If you’re in the situation I was in a few years ago (planting one tiny plant of sage and having it stay forever and ever and multiply everywhere) then this will be really helpful.

I’m not even going to write a clever intro because Matt provided me with a SIX PAGE DOCUMENT. I appreciate thoroughness.

We see you over there laughing, Matt. I may still have bird seed in my hair. Goodness knows it’s still in the car.

…

I want to start by saying … WOW! Season 2 completely blew this show wide open. I mentioned it on Twitter, but it seemed like every question they answered, two more were asked. Before I get to the questions regarding Season 2, I’d like to take a look back at the questions I had following Season 1 and see how many I can answer. (more…)

I do realize that every post I have written over the past week has been LOST related. Sorry, dudes. There’s more coming around the pike, but for now my non-LOST/annoyed readers can just not go past the cut and you’ll be saved. There you go.

Matt is a college pal. Well, Matt is my husband’s college pal. I think I met him a couple of times and would see him at church, but that’s about all. Nice thing about getting married is that you get to know more friends of your spouse. And since I married the most social guy I’ve ever met, I’ve acquired a nice assortment.

Matt recently decided to give LOST a shot and I thought it would be interesting to get the thoughts of a new Lostie right as he is starting the series. So, here is the first set of questions Matt answered about Season 1. This will be a six-part series documenting his thoughts at the end of each season. Seriously, this is going to be fun to watch.

Note: Matt is a weatherman (is that a pejorative term in your line of work?) and who knows, his expertise may somehow color his view of the Smoke Monster. Let’s see!

(Thanks for the quick response, Matt. It’s almost like you knew I didn’t have a post planned for today.)

1. Hello, Matt Mahler. Welcome to your first round of LOST questions. Excited?
   Tremendously.  Believe it or not, I’ve actually been looking forward to answering these.  I can finally, officially, join the Lost discussions!
2. I just realized that your last name is a homophone of ”mauler.” How has that worked out for you?
   Not as well as I’d like.  At times I wish it was spelled MaUler instead of MaHler.  For reasons I’ll never understand, people feel the need to pronounce my last name with a long-A sound rather than the proper A-H sound.  Pro-tip: you know the sound the doctor always told you to make when checking your throat?  The whole “open up and say AH” business?  That’s how it’s pronounced.
3. You know, Kevin’s last name is Crumpler because somewhere back there somebody was a baker–a crumpet maker. In your time knowing him, has he ever made you baked goods?
   I honestly don’t think I’ve ever received any sort of baked goods from Crumpy.  Now that I know the history behind the name Crumpler, I’m slightly disappointed with the lack of baked goods. (more…)

SPOILER ALERT: Do not proceed if you haven’t seen the finale. Unless you’re my college roommate and just plain don’t care.

I loved it. It took me a night of sleep and a few clarifications and constant reassurance from my husband, but that’s where I ended up. Loving this episode as much as I loved the previous seasons. In fact, the longer I think about it, the more I like it. Sure, there are unanswered questions and I know a lot of people are really, really upset. I’ll address that later (in part two).

As for the 10 questions I thought they might answer, let’s look at how it turned out:

1. Is John Locke (The Real John Locke™) gone for good?
   In this life, yes. I think now that we can see what became of him there is much to appreciate. Also, that John Locke and his journey represent about 50% of the LOST viewership (more on that later).
2. What is the alt-timeline and how does it relate to the on-Island timeline? Is it the “end” that these “means” are getting us to?
   We certainly got this one. It is the end that the means helped our characters arrive at. I never imagined it was that kind of end, but it worked for me. It appears to be a limbo state/created universe/collective conciousness that our Losties built together (or perhaps Hurley did it for them, I’m hearing that theorized in a number of places) so that, according to Christian Shephard, they could “find each other.” I like this idea and looking back at some of the literary clues we were given, I should have seen this one coming.
3. What is Charles Widmore’s importance and is he really dead? (I do NOT believe he is dead.)
   Wrong, Lizzy. Apparently, he was. His importance to the story and role on the island are two of the many mysteries we are left to ponder for the rest of our days. Or until The Lost Encyclopedia comes out (assuming they address him).
4. How will Desmond act as a fail-safe this time?
   He got the plug out of the hole but wasn’t destined to be the one to put it back in. I would like to know how Widmore had planned to use him.
5. Who is David’s mother? (My guess is Juliet since they seem to be building up to it and she’s the only really important female character that we haven’t seen in the alt-timeline so far.)
   Picture me, fists stretched high in the air, as Juliet talks to her son, David.
6. Will Jack be able to kill the Man in Black? HOW?
   I don’t know if he would have been able to, considering that knife to the gut he delivered to Jack mere seconds before SuperKate blasted a once-again-mortal in the back with the bullet she saved for him.
7. Will Jack make it off the Island? (Guess: No.)
   Score. I figured the last scene would be what it was, but had no idea how they would get us there. The execution of this scene was something far more dramatic and beautiful than anything I could have imagined.
8. Who will Kate’s romantic choice be or will there be one at all?
   Clearly there was one. I had no idea it would break my heart like it did.
9. Were any of these people really special or was it all just chance?
   I have some theories for real life about who you run into, why they are in your life, their importance, etc. These lives were set on the same orbit, revolving around some magnetic force (I question if it was the island or just “something,” considering how many unknown [to them] ties they all had before the crash of Oceanic 815) that pulled them closer and closer together and on the island they finally collided. They were special. To each other.
10. What are they preventing from happening by killing the Man in Black?
    In a roundabout way, the destruction of the island and what I can only imagine would have ended up being the rest of the world and all mankind. Looked like that bathtub drain/portal to Hades was getting ready to suck everything down.

A few of my more in-depth reflections will be posted later today. I wanted to go ahead and get this out there, plus the rest is getting pretty long!