Miss Wisabus » Weddings

Dr. Quinn and The Hair Mayhem

Elizabeth — Thu, 21 Jul 2011 15:07:51 +0000

If you’ve known me very long, you are probably aware that my minor in college was History with an emphasis on the American West. To narrow it down even further, most of my studies centered around women in the west.

I blame this entirely on my grade school obsession with Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman.

Short history lesson – there were far fewer “Dr. Quinns” in the west and waaa-haaay more prostitutes. You had about three different career choices out west if you were female and weren’t married — laundry woman, cook, or prostitute. (A town usually only needed one teacher so you couldn’t count on that one. Especially since men could typically still be found filling that position.) Thanks to my years at the University of Oklahoma I have one shelf in my study devoted to books covering this subject. We’re going to have to move them up a few shelves before we have kids who are tall enough to reach. Yow. I mean, it was my mom’s copy of Anne of Green Gables that got me all interested in that. I do not think I want my child taking a shining to Upstairs Girls: Prostitution in the American West. Whenever we start baby-proofing, I’ll be sure to move that.

I’m getting off track here, but what I want you to know is that I’ve always loved the west. Love loved it. From the stories of men and women who braved the unknown to start new lives, the sad tales of native people that were removed from their homes forever–sometimes even killed, the facts we know now, the fiction our grandparents grew up on–all of it.

One aspect of it I have always taken a fancy to and that’s the fashion. How women wore some of those garments back then in the heat of the day I will never be able to imagine, but it didn’t stop them from looking pretty. Going back to Dr. Quinn, her hair was always styled in a way that I dreamed of having mine fixed. She had gloriously long tresses and every Saturday night while my mom put pink sponge rollers in my hair for church the next morning, I sat hoping that someday my hair would be as beautiful as Dr. Quinn’s. And then the next morning in Sunday School I would discuss the latest happenings in 1860s Colorado Springs with my best buddy, Delisa.

Unfortunately, just before that time I had gotten a cute little bob. Because my pal Delisa had the same cute haircut and when you are 5-years-old and your older best bud has a cute haircut that’s what you ask for when you go in for your “I’m starting kindergarten in a week” ‘do.

And for the next 13 years my hair grew in a triangle shape. It was clear by the time I reached junior high that I would never have Dr. Quinn hair.

Sigh.

Fast forward a few years down the road and I have finally let my hair grow out as long as it’s ever been and it begins letting go of the dreaded triangle. It’s curlier now, but for the most part it falls in a direction that appears natural. And it’s about time.

I had a few weddings to be in at this point in my life. First it was Heather’s which, as far as far as the nuptials and my hair are concerned, were both a success. I took in two photos of two separate women for the front and the back of my hair, the stylist told me I did a good job of matching them up, and I ended up with an up do that I was proud of.

That stylist was a stranger. Someone who had never done my hair before. She did a great job on it and I was very happy with the way it looked and how it held up all evening long.

Six months later was Delisa’s wedding. It took place in the town where I grew up going to church and the stylist I use regularly (a cousin-in-law) works in that town. Fun! Only she was busy doing the bride’s hair and didn’t have room for me that day. So off I went on a mad search for a stylist. I spent every fifteen minute break at work one day calling around and trying to find a place that had an opening. There were 3 or 4 big weddings in town that day and in a town of 45,048 that means a lot of the hair salons are busy.

Finally, I found someone. I felt like doing a little happy dance, but practiced a little restraint because at that time I was working at a front desk and I think we all know what else was going on up front at the time. (Someday I’ll get brave enough to write about it. With code names. And in Pig Latin.)

I showed up to this new-to-me hair salon the morning of Delisa’s wedding, carrying a photo of a woman with long, loose curls, lightly pinned in a half-up, half-down look. I cannot stress long and loose enough. You don’t go big and bold as a bridesmaid and I certainly did not intend to start the trend.

I sat in the chair and watched, waiting for my hair to start to resemble the style in the photo. Instead there was tugging and teasing and pulling and spraying until the crown of my head was one Bumpit™ away from a certified monstrosity.

When she finished, I sat shell-shocked, not wanting to believe she was done and that this was it, while at the same time I wanted to run as far as I could away from that chair. I paid her and walked out. Never in my life had I been so unsatisfied with the way my hair looked. And one of my dearest friends was getting married in less than 4 hours.

I sat in my car and looked in the rear view mirror, staring at the bulbous creation atop my already not small skull (thanks, Dad). I touched it and my fingers seemed to bounce back like it was spring-loaded.

This would not do.

I raced back to the church where the reception was being held, different from the one where the ceremony was, to show my mom.

“It’s okay,” she said.

“Oh my word.” It’s okay is NOT okay.

Through the bathroom door I went. I stood there looking at it and then went to patting it down. There had to be some way to make it come down. I started pulling out bobby pins, releasing the top layer and putting the stragglers back into place. Slowly, I looked less and less like Elvira, Mistress of the Dark. It came time for me to head to the church and get ready for photos and while I was still extremely unhappy with my hair, it was Delisa’s wedding and I had to get there.

These photos don’t do the original product justice. And I left out the frontal shots because, well, the ‘do still looked bad from that angle (in my opinion).

Luckily, the thing about being a bridesmaid in a wedding means the attention is not on you. Once everything got started, my hair disaster was forgotten and I was nothing but thrilled to be watching a dear friend marry the man she loves. It was a beautiful ceremony and one that I was very blessed and honored to be a part of.

It wasn’t until after the reception was over and I was in the same bathroom I started out in, taking down my hair (all 100+ bobby pins) and getting ready to go home, that it dawned on me.

“It looked like Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman.” I said aloud, to no one in particular.

At least, as close as I ever want to be.

(Delisa – Thanks for not kicking me out of your wedding when I showed up with the weird hair. Happy 3rd anniversary! Love, Goofy)

Sunday Afternoon Tea – Royal Wedding Edition

Elizabeth — Sun, 01 May 2011 21:52:59 +0000

I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. – Romans 12:1, 2, 9-18

What a precious event that was to witness. As you may have heard from the last post, Jolene and I were indeed up long before first light to watch Prince William of Wales marry Kate Middleton (now bearing the title Duke and Duchess of Cambridge). I am so glad that I woke up to see that. After I placed the tiara on my head and got a little caffeine in my system, I was ready to go. You can check out everything that Jolene and I had to say about the arrivals and the ceremony here. (Warning: Toward the end of the ceremony and during the kiss on the balcony we got a wee bit distracted. Listen at your own risk — of boredom.)

I must correct something that I said on the podcast though. I mentioned that I was 25th cousins to William. Turns out I was wrong and after a little bit of research yesterday I got (some of) my facts straight. Turns out I (and all my cousins second cousins on the Walters side of the family) am 15th cousins to the Duchess of Cambridge, which I had no clue about until two days ago. Now, William proves a little bit trickier, as I haven’t counted back the generations yet, but I know that I am at least 15th cousins with him — likely closer than that, however. It’s through his mother, Princess Diana’s side of the family.

It’s like a mini-episode of Who Do You Think You Are? (I’ll be returning to the “Climbing My Family Tree” series soon)!

My Anglophilia board on Pinterest has seen a lot of activity over the past few days. I can’t. help. myself.
The lovely Jen has two different posts about the wedding that are both worth your time.
George Michael even got in on the festivities and recorded Stevie Wonder’s “You and I” as a gift. A gift that’s free for you!
And as it turns out, Jack was there. Boy knows people in high places, apparently.
One of the songs they danced to at their reception – “Your Song” covered by Ellie Goulding
Leave it to the Friar to hit the nail on the head. – “The only subject that came close to people noting, commenting on and so forth about this wedding were all of the people who firmly and with great dripping disdain declared their passionate disinterest in the entire affair, a disinterest so monumental it had to be explicitly shared with us all, lest its absence suggest to someone the hideous possibility that the authors might actually be interested in this entirely uninteresting affair.”
Michelle had a shindig all her own to celebrate. Seriously, this is awesome!
Radmegan made hats. That’s some killer craftiness.

I can’t explain why I have enjoyed this so much, or why I shed tears watching her walk down the aisle and hearing them exchange vows with a look of love in their eyes that is so rarely present these days. It was something unmistakable.

Maybe it’s because I thought I was going to marry him when I was 12. Maybe it’s that part of me that’s always been drawn to their culture. Or maybe…part of the wonder that leaves me reveling at the sight of it all is because a wedding, any wedding, is a glimpse of what is to come. Our blessed hope. And seeing those throngs of people waiting to see the couple, celebrating the joining together of the two, is a reminder of how it’s meant to be.

Prince William and Catherine Middleton’s prayer on their wedding day:

God our Father, we thank you for our families; for the love that we share and for the joy of our marriage.

In the busyness of each day keep our eyes fixed on what is real and important in life and help us to be generous with our time and love and energy.

Strengthened by our union help us to serve and comfort those who suffer. We ask this in the Spirit of Jesus Christ. Amen.

Amen.

The Royal Wedding with Elizabeth & Jolene

Elizabeth — Fri, 29 Apr 2011 10:16:44 +0000

Join us as we comment throughout the event!

Video streaming by Ustream

Royal Wedding Countdown: 10 Days

Elizabeth — Wed, 20 Apr 2011 13:25:37 +0000

I may be about to look like a real creeper.

I’m okay with that

But I will admit that this image may make it look like I take this whole thing more seriously than I do. I didn’t have time to draw any funny cartoons this morning!

Big announcement time! Jolene and I are going to be podcasting this business. LIVE. As it happens. As in, 3am Central. I’m figuring that I will try to get in a decent nap earlier in the evening and then get up around 1 or 2am to prepare for it. It’s a shame that Starbucks isn’t open at that hour. Wait, do 24-hour Starbucks exist? Hmm. Or maybe I’ll pull a Ree and buy one the night before and refrigerate it. Yup, this could work.

If you are awake, please join us. Here’s the show link where you can listen live. Or if you’re not awake that early you can listen to our antics later when I post them here (I don’t know if Jolene is going to want this kind of stuff on her blog ).

Either way, prepare to be entertained.

And now, to get you in the mood…

Lessons Learned While Wedding Planning: More About Bridesmaids

Elizabeth — Fri, 05 Nov 2010 04:01:00 +0000

So, my stats would indicate that about 67% of the people who land here using a search engine have some kind of question about bridesmaids. I don’t know much, but I have a little experience so I’ll share my thoughts on a few questions that have brought people here recently.

What if I don’t want my sister to be my bridesmaid?
I don’t know; I don’t have a sister. But I will say that I think it’s a pretty sticky situation. The real question is — why don’t you want your sister to be a bridesmaid? It’s understandable if you have a tight circle of female friends, but isn’t there any way you could squeeze her in there? Really, ask yourself the first question. You might get to the bottom of more issues.

How do I tell someone they were almost my bridesmaid?
Uhh…don’t?

Now, I say that, but I’ve been in a situation where I was absolutely excluded from a wedding and shocked by it. I had no real expectations about being a part of it — I didn’t assume that I would play any major part in the wedding at all. But total exclusion was NOT what I thought would happen. If it’s someone that you are close to and you are including everyone else and their dog in your ceremony, but not them…you might want to consider letting them know why there wasn’t room, if you think it might spare feelings.

Otherwise, leave it.

Did I pick the wrong bridesmaid?
Too late now, sister. You can’t un-ask.

Groom has five sisters…do they have to be bridesmaids?
No. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Unless they want to foot the bill for the dresses. And the necessary therapy after having that much estrogen cooped up in a bridal room before a wedding.

Dear Abby Miss Wisabus,

Elizabeth — Sat, 14 Aug 2010 11:40:37 +0000

Dear Miss Wisabus,
My friend assumed I’m her bridesmaid. Help.

Dear Assumed Bridesmaid,
First, see here. Second, at least your friend didn’t assume she’s your bridesmaid. S’all I’m sayin’.
Sincerely,
Miz Dub

Lessons Learned While Wedding Planning #3: What’s worth having the final say?

Elizabeth — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 19:29:02 +0000

Back when I first posted about this topic, one of my dear readers, Laura, asked:

“What do you think is worth having the final say over, and what should you just let someone else decide for you? (In terms of flowers, food, decoration, stuff like that)”

Great question. It’s one that’s good to be thinking about ahead of time, but the answer is something you may not be sure of until you are in the middle of things.

Quick answer: It’s different for everyone. Not all brides put the same value or importance on different aspects for their wedding. You have to decide what is important to you. I covered this a little before, but I’m going to talk about some details here to help you get a better idea.

What is probably worth having the final say about

The dress
The venue
The officiant
The attendants
The vows

I think we can all agree on The Dress. If it is as important to you as it is to most brides, this is something you’ll be heavily involved in choosing and make the final decisions on. Personally, I couldn’t imagine doing it any other way. However, I know that women exist in this world who care very little about clothing, their wedding gown included, and can toss this responsibility over to someone who does. And not bat an eye. I know they are out there. I’ve just never met one.

Then there’s the whole “posse” method of choosing a dress. I had one with me, but they were trusted individuals who knew my taste, style, and helped me to look at the dress with the whole wedding in mind. (My mom, my dad’s mom, and Heather) A lot of wedding planners and stylists advise against bringing people along with you, but I can’t agree with that. A huge posse is a very, very bad idea. But close people that you trust and who won’t forget this is your dress? Not a problem.

When decisions are made for you

A few years back a friend of mine was getting married and I was in the wedding party. I showed up at her house one day to help her with preparations and she hurriedly rushed me back into one of the bedrooms and shut the door. I started to ask her what was going on, but before the words made it out of my mouth she opened the closet.

And there it was.

Lace, frills, puffy sleeves, a tall neck, and appliqued rose buds. I’m sure it was gorgeous in 1990, but now?

“Uh…ohhh. Is that your dress?”

“Are you kidding me?! I’d never wear that!”

Well, I had hoped not…

“My mom went shopping yesterday and came home with…this.”

She eventually told her mom that she wouldn’t wear the dress and I admired her for standing up like that. I know her mom was trying to be helpful, it was just something I couldn’t relate to.

Unless you want to count that Christmas season when I finally told my mom to stop buying me clothes that I didn’t specifically ask for.

Rude? Ungrateful, you say? Leave your address and I’ll ship you all my appliqued cat sweaters from the mid- to late-90s.

Prioritize and communicate

All that to say every situation is different. You never know what’s going to be thrown at you or what, in the middle of wedding planning, you suddenly care about. Or stop caring about completely. Think about the things that matter to you. The list above includes things that are pretty reasonable to want one way or another.

The venue was important to me (I wanted to get married where the majority of my family would be able to attend; the groom is from out-of-state anyway so his family had to travel wherever we got married in Oklahoma).
The officiants were important to both of us (He wanted his college mentor/pastor/friend to do the vows and I wanted to include the minister that married my parents and dedicated me, as well as the minister at the church my parents attend — where the ceremony was held).
The attendants were important to both of us (He went ahead and had the larger number of attendants after some of my bridesmaids dropped out; I didn’t buckle under pressure to include family members who are not and have never been close).
The vows were important to both of us (We both share a disgust for personal vows that are a little TMI/gushy/mushy/save-it-for-the-honeymoon, and wanted something that fit our personalities and presented our commitment toward each other in a joyous way that also conveyed the solemnity of the moment).

Don’t be afraid to let go of things that don’t really matter. At the end of the day — you will be married! That’s the important thing.

If you have any particular questions you’d like answered, feel free to leave them in the comments or email me at liz @ misswisabus.com

Happy Anniversary to Us!

Elizabeth — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 03:12:52 +0000

Happy first year to the funniest, happiest guy I know! Thank you for being such a sweet and understanding person and for putting up with my craziness. I love you!

(And because I never did, I’m posting some of my favorite wedding photos after the cut. Sorry if the cut doesn’t work in readers!)

Lessons Learned While Wedding Planning #2: How to Choose Your Bridesmaids

Elizabeth — Mon, 03 May 2010 22:27:07 +0000

(There needs to be a small disclaimer placed at the beginning of this one because I don’t want anyone to come away with the wrong impression or hurt feelings. I had GREAT bridesmaids who were helpful and kind. The generalities in this post are just that. The specifics are in my situation and in others that I was witness to.)

Know who is standing beside you before you choose them. (This means bridesmaids!)

Remember how I told you that last point was the most important? Scratch that. This may be.

Choosing bridesmaids is probably one of the touchiest things, ever. It can be touchy for the bride, who may be having to make some serious decisions about who to include (while considering a budget, a limit on number of attendants, etc.) and somewhat stressful for those waiting to be chosen (cost, responsibilities, “will she or won’t she choose me?”).

I want to stress to you how important it is that you pick the right people to be in your wedding. I cannot say enough about what a challenge it can be whenever you have uncooperative attendants or people who really have no desire to be in your wedding, nor your best interests at heart. Please exercise your best judgment in this area.

Example #1: You have a dear friend that you met later on in life, perhaps in college. You think it would be appropriate to ask said friend to be in your wedding, but you do know a few things about her and you are on the fence about it. 1) She is never on time. 2) She regularly forgets appointments, plans you have made, to feed her pet iguana, etc. 3) She is jovial and just busting at the seams because you, her dear pal, are getting married.

I am tellin’ ya right now, that is a “sitchy-ashun.” You love this friend and would love for her to be in your wedding. There are a few factors that come into play here. You know that the friend is not going to be one to devote most of the necessary time and energy to helping you put together showers and other tasks associated with the wedding. You know this. But the friend loves you and wants to be there with you, to support you on this very important day. It comes down to your choice. If you can deal with the fact that tasks that may be assigned to her in all likelihood will not be done, then you can go ahead with it. However, you must remember this later on. Things are going to get hectic and you have to keep in mind that you knew from the beginning that this friend was not going to be a very reliable participant.

I think it is important to weigh the following factors:

Length of time that you have been friends

Reliability

How important it is to you that this person is in your wedding

Availability

The Close Family Conundrum

Not necessarily in that order. For some people, #1 is a really good way to cut your list down. Sometimes #1 and #5 play in to one another and you have choices to make there. What if you have 5 sisters? Do you have all 5 sisters as bridesmaids? This does something really awful to my brain. As someone who does not have a sister I cannot begin to work that one out, so you’re on your own.

Let me just give you a few bad examples from each of those points.

1. Length of time that you have been friends — A young woman includes a couple of girls who were her first best friends — in kindergarten. Nevermind the fact that they weren’t friends once they got to junior high, or high school. And completely forgetting that bit about how they haven’t spoken in years. For some reason, these two agree to be in the wedding. They spend every moment the bride is out of the room criticizing decisions she has made about her wedding, her appearance…you name it.

I understand honoring the friendship that you had, but I think if you haven’t had any major contact with the person in the past 5-10 years, you need to really consider if it is the best idea. Yes, you may love them no matter what, but I’m serious, this can get really ugly, really fast. People can change a lot in that amount of time and if you haven’t remained in some kind of contact then you may be in for a nasty surprise.

2. Reliability – If the person forgets to feed their iguana, chances are they will forget to bring the sorbet for your punch, the date of their dress fitting, and when/if they are supposed to be present at your rehearsal dinner. We’re talking about a dead iguana here, people. If you love them so much that you can deal with them being in your wedding and really taking on no responsibilities…GOOD FOR YOU. Like I said earlier, you have to remember this later in the game when things get crazy and you NEED every spare pair of arms that are available. And then you can’t hold a grudge against the person because you knew from the beginning they weren’t going to be any help. Just keep it in mind

Or maybe it’s not that at all. Maybe they live far away and just won’t be able to participate the way a person who lives in the next town over would. You can’t fault them for that. Just know what they are capable of and be okay with that before asking.

3. How important it is to you that this person is in your wedding — This is one of the few things that I will pull the “It’s your day” line on (because it’s NOT just your day; this is a family and community celebration of a commitment you are entering into with another human being…it’s not just a big party that’s about you in a fluffy white dress so get over it). I had a few different family members and friends suggest that I include certain individuals in my wedding party. On the surface they may just be helpful suggestions, but the ones I received were so so SO far off the mark I cannot begin to describe them to you.

Please do not let anyone bully you into including herself/someone else in your wedding. You will be unhappy and will likely be resentful of their heavy-handedness.

A big regret I have is not including two very dear people to me in my group of bridesmaids. One is a friend who lives thousands of miles away, the other is my closest first-cousin. Leaving the first off the list was my decision because I thought it would be asking too much of a person who lives so far away. Leaving the cousin out was based on some of the suggestions I was receiving (that if I included that particular cousin it would be wrong for me to not include another; another who does not like me and who I do not have a relationship with and who I would never dream of including because I wouldn’t want to impose on her life). I really wish I had asked both of them.

What I did do was ask a handful people who have meant very much to me over the years to be in my wedding. Most of them said yes. One of them didn’t call, write, email, or reach out to me in anyway for over a year. I have no idea what that was about. Another agreed and then canceled when she found out that I did not vote for Obama. Then after that she acted like nothing. One told me, “I don’t know if I’ll be in town that weekend.”

In the end I think a lot of those things worked out for the best. Now I can see that if some of those people had been present and beside me the entire day of my wedding, I might have been miserable.

I really think this whole thing may call for me finally writing about how, at times, I am the worst person at picking friends and how I end up in these really awful relationships with females. Sad, I know.

Make sure their presence is important to you and that you aren’t making your decisions to please other people.

4. Availability – There is really nothing bad to say about this one, it’s simply a fact of life. Keep in mind where your potential bridesmaids are in their place in life. Do they have a job or schedule that might prevent them from being present for important things leading up to the wedding (fittings, showers, parties, etc.)? Is it possible their schedule might even prevent them from being there on the actual day-of? Are they newly married themselves? New parents?

A lot of cost comes along with accepting the responsibility of being a bridesmaid. Not everyone will be able to afford it and you need to remember that when you are asking and planning various things (dresses, accessories, shoes). If you are not planning on paying for their dress and other expenses yourself, you may need to rethink things a little. There is no need to put any undue stress on a person.

It is a tough spot though, because if you make a judgment call here and decide not to ask someone based on where you think they are, you risk hurting them. One thing I did was ask each person individually, and with those that I knew this might be an issue with I tried to be very understanding and work with them. As it happened, these were the people who didn’t end up in my wedding.

5. The Close Family Conundrum – I was at a wedding this summer where I witnessed a sister-of-the-bride muttering (not so under her breath, I could hear it easily from where I stood) about how her sister was being so “ridiculous” about taking pictures after the wedding because she was “stupid and traditional” and didn’t want to see the groom before the wedding. Well, aren’t you just a ray of sunshine.

Sometimes I’m thankful I was the only girl.

Again, if you have sisters, I don’t know what you do. I think in most cases, unless you have a huge age difference, you have to have them as bridesmaids. Then if you have a ton of friends you want in the wedding, you have a huge wedding party or put your friends somewhere else. All I know is family is family and sometimes #5 trumps #3. And pray that your sister isn’t pulling this kind of stuff behind your back and badmouthing everything you’ve done for your wedding.

. . .

One last piece of advice. Be okay if they say “no.” You never know what is going on in someone’s life. They may have a reason for declining that you will never find out about. Personally, I would rather someone tell me that they can’t be a part of my wedding than be there grudgingly and half-heartedly. Either you’re in or your out on this one, bridesmaids.

I hope that helped someone! After this one, I plan on addressing the bridesmaids as well in their role. It is such an important privilege, to stand up with someone on this special day. Once again, let me know if there is anything you’d like me to talk about in this series. I don’t know everything, but I did learn a lot in planning my own wedding. (I’ll be handling the question from last week’s comments soon!)

Lessons Learned While Wedding Planning #1

Elizabeth — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 11:00:58 +0000

I’m starting a new series that I think might be beneficial to my readers. I know there are a number of you out there who are getting married soon or plan to at some point in the future. There are so many things that I picked up while planning a wedding and I wish I had known them before. It would have saved me a lot of heartache.

Determine who you want to have the ultimate control/decision-making ability during the entire process.

This may be the most important thing you do while planning your wedding. It was a lesson I learned early on and fast, and one that never really got ironed out in the whole process of planning.

There are usually 2 to 3 options here (maybe more depending on your family dynamic; divorced parents can play a big role here as I have seen in the weddings of friends): you, your parents, or a wedding planner. There are situations where those involved can be on equal footing, but that takes impeccable communication skills. The chances of that being the case are very slim and there needs to be someone who knows that they can act in the interests of the bride and groom, without having to consult them on every tiny decision (unless you have decided that every thing does need to be approved by you, the bride).

Without this decision being made and letting all parties involved know who can act and who has the power to write the checks, you need to be prepared for a lot of phone tag, back-and-forth, “are you sure you’re okay with this?” dealings that take up more time in the end than if you intrust these decisions to someone you know has your best interests at heart.

My advice if you are the picky type like myself and are planning a large wedding (I have no idea what the scale is. We sent out 450ish invitations, 2 blanket church invites at different churches, and ended up with around 350 or so in the church) is to be prepared before. Know what you want, have photos ready, and be prepared to hire someone to do the dirty work. Unless you have an extensive group of devoted friends and family who are willing to give up a month’s worth of weekends to help you make this thing happen, you are going to have to turn it over to someone else. This will spare you a lot of unnecessary stress.

For a smaller wedding (100 or less) I think you could manage it yourself. (Looking back, I wish I could have done that, though I would never want to exclude someone who wanted to attend our weddng from doing so.) And again, if you are very particular this may be the way to go. If your engagement is long enough and the guest list short enough you can do this. It will be less expensive, but there will be work.

There will be more! I learned a lot while planning our wedding. If you have any particular questions you’d like answered, feel free to leave them in the comments or email me at liz @ misswisabus.com